Its a Magical World
by Paper Fans
Summary: Hogwarts under possible attack, Ministry of Magic corrupted, and the balance of good and evil... well, unbalanced. What's Dumbledore to do? Call up some ninjas, of course! Naruto Harry Potter Crossover.
1. First of Whats to Come

AN: Hey all you readers! Um… no, I meant that one person that decided to click on my fic 'cause she had nothing better to do tonight… I have been an advent fanfic reader for years, and Ive even started a few, though they didn't turn out so well. But I'm hoping to do better, especially since there are so few good Naruto/HP crossovers, most of them centered around the Dumbledore-needs-ninjas-to-protect-Hogwarts idea, like this one.

And, well, now that I think about it, I'm pulling the plot out of my ass.

By the way, I will honestly try my hardest to refrain from creating the distinctive bastard daughter of a rabid fan girl and bad fan fiction, the Mary Sue, and other OC characters. And for future reference, there will be no cross romances between the two series.

**SPOILER ALERT**: Takes place right before the turmoil of the Four Sounds stealing away Sasuke for the Naruto anime/manga, and enters into the fifth book of Harry Potter, just because I really like that one.

**DISCLAMIER**: All characters that are obviously not mine, are obviously not mine. And even if I said they were, you're not going to seriously hunt me down and sue me… Wait… You know what? THEY ARE MINE! (runs away into hiding, laughing madly)

_**x**_

Sasuke had no idea why he kept it, the picture that Kakashi gave them the few days after Team Seven became official Genin. He honestly didn't like the picture… or his team members… at that point, and he played back all the times he could have easily thrown it out.

Unfortunately for him, Sasuke had remembered exactly what had happened that day. He remembered the training schedule that Kakashi had prepared for them, the weather, the many tedious fights Naruto had started up, and the many tedious fights in which Naruto ultimately lost. He also remembered the number of times they had to retake that picture.

Eight… to be exact.

If the camera man were any camera man, it would have been taken over and over until it overflowed to the brim with perfection, but this was no ordinary camera man.

No, this was a Camera Nin.

And Camera Nin aren't as patient as camera men.

Sasuke remembered the kind, patient words of the Camera Nin, "_Just stay fucking still!", _his cooperation, "_If I have to take one more picture, I'm shoving a kunai up your rectum!", _and of course, the finished product: two scowling boys with ruffled hair, an unusually over enthusiastic sensei, and a girl with a big forehead smiling broadly in the middle.

Sasuke couldn't bring himself to smile at that moment.

He had already packed everything he needed, cleaned his room accordingly, and prepared himself mentally for the new path he had decided, mostly forcefully, to take.

But upon this huge decision, in which he agreed to almost immediately, he couldn't even decide upon one little, insignificant dilemma.

Whether or not to take the Team Seven picture with him.

Because unlike before, it was his comfort, that picture. A family he so deservingly gained in place of the family he so undeservingly lost.

_A family that would make him weak. A family that would weigh him down. Not the family he needed. _

Not the family he needed. He _needed _nothing. No, he _needed _power.

Sasuke couldn't feel any nameable emotion as he placed the picture frame face down.

But there was one person he would miss the most upon leaving, one person that had pushed him to become stronger, taught him, and was always there whether he wanted him there or not. That person was…

"Kakashi."

"Sasuke." The mentioned Jounin turned a page of Ichi Ichi Paradise. "I didn't expect you to sense me. I'm impressed. But I'm even more impressed about you packing up before I even told you we have an urgent mission."

"Well, you know how I am."

"But… It was the mission you were packing for, neh, Sasuke?"

"…yeah."

"Then let's go."

"…yeah."

'I guess I don't have to leave you after all… huh, Naruto?'

_**x**_

"Naruto!"

"Ugh…"

"Naruto, get your ass out of bed!"

It was that moment when Naruto woke up to the melodious voice of Sakura.

"Oi… aren't sakuras suppose to be delicate?"

"WHAT?"

"Nothing! Wah! Stop hitting me, Sakura-chan!"

_**x**_

"Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei! Oi! Kakashi-sensei!"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Where are we going?"

"To see the GoDaime."

"Why?"

"For a mission."

"What mission?"

"An important mission."

"What kind of important missio-"

"Shut up, Usuratonkachi."(1)

"Oi! Don't tell me what to do, Sasuke-teme!"

Sasuke looked as if he was going to say something back, but deflated with a tired, angry sigh instead. Unusual.

"Oi… Sasuke, you okay?"

"Whatever."

"We're here, everyone!"

The trio looked up to find the entrance of the Godaime's huge work office, and immediately began to file up the stairs, Naruto leading the way. He had been here more than a couple of times, for important business, advice from Tsunade no bachan, or just to hang out with his Hokage. Unless he was home, away on a mission, or training, he was here.

"Tsunade no bachan!" cried Naruto as he flung the doors open. "Kakashi-sensei says you have an important mission for us!"

The Hokage looked up from her papers with a bored, tired stare, effectively signaling to the loud Genin that he was not the only one that was woken up suddenly and forcefully.

"Naruto. Shut up. Everyone else, please have a seat."

Sakura bowed politely as Sasuke gave a respective nod. The group of four sat down.

"I just received a message from a good friend of the late SanDaime. An… Albus Dumbledore."

"What the hell is a Dumbledore?"

"You all know about magic, right?"

"Duh."

"Then I don't have to explain that part of the mission, if you're so knowledgeable, Sasuke. This Albus Dumbledore has asked that I send a couple of our best shinobi to his school for… magic lizards or something… you know what, it's late, and I didn't really read it."

"Tsunade no bachan not doing her homework, eh?" the hokage, in turn, gave him a withering glare.

"Now, where did I put that paper? Ah, here it is… He is the master of a school for… _wizards_ and _witches_. It's a magic school, sort of like the Academy, but much, much longer. At least seven years-"

"SEVEN YEARS?"

"-of learning basic and advanced magic."

"Excuse me, Tsunade-sama, but what kind of magic?"

"Magic from a stick."

"…oh."

"And this," The Hokage suddenly pulled from the inside of her jacket, a sake cup, and ungracefully dropped it on the table.

"What? We're gonna ride the cup?"

"This Naruto, you idiot, is a port key. It's a special transportation device that allows you to magically appear next to its corresponding object at a given place."

"So, we're taking the cup?"

"Naruto, dobe, if we weren't taking the cup, then why would she explain what it was?"

"Well, actually, Sasuke, you're taking a Transportation Circle."

"What? Why?"

"Because I can't exactly figure out how the damned thing works. I'm guessing that the Transportation Circle isn't as reliable as the port key, but it's the best we can do at such short notice."

"Why are we going now, at three in the morning, anyway?"

"Because Dumbledore was also good friends with the late Kazekage, and also offered the Sand Nin a job. Do you know how much that guy is offering? A lot more than a usual yearlong mission! So Im sending you off now, before the Sand Nin even get an owl."

"Owl?"

"Just go."

And the three Genin were sent off, grumbling, to the roof where the Circle Transportation would be held.

The Transportation Circle was huge, about the same size as the one that was previously used by the Sound Nin to summon the giant, three-headed snake that reeked havoc on Konohagure the day the SanDaime was killed. The outside circle was drawn using sacred ink, while the intersecting lines inside it were drawn in blood, as was the inner circle. (2)

"Ah! Shizune-neechan!" cried Naruto upon seeing the Medic Nin, and three other recognizable shinobi, sitting where the Transportation Circle's lines intersected, "Are you coming with us?"

"No, we're just helping you get there, Naruto. If you all could please stand in the inner circle, we can begin." Team Seven obliged, "Bite your thumbs, and write your names in blood anywhere inside it, please."

As soon as the last task was completed, Shizune began the ritual. She and her associates molded their chakra accordingly, and began to form a long list of hand seals quickly and in sync. The lines and inner circle began to glow, and Naruto noticed that anything outside of it began to warp and blur. Then he felt the worst pain in his life, like his limbs were being ripped apart as his skin was being peeled, and oh Kami, his insides were exploding. He heard Sakura scream, and Sasuke gasp.

Naruto let out the loudest, most tortured cry of pain that he ever did in his life.

And the last thing he would ever see in Konohagure was the distorted stone monument of the YonDaime looking down upon him.

_**x**_

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Like the tortured cry of a boy, in like, another dimension or something."

"…"

"Maybe you should let off the Crazy Juice, Harry."

"Shut up, Ron."

"Come on, you two, let's get Harry ready for his hearing, its almost time."

"Yeah, alright, 'Mione."

_**x**_

(1) Usually translated to "Total Moron" Like a pet name for Naruto.

(2) If you can't picture or remember the circle, think of the Transmutation Circles from Full Metal Alchemist.


	2. Many Little Explosions

AN: ZOMFG! I just reread all my favorite SasuNaru yaoi doujinshi! (dies from nosebleed) Also, there may be some confusion about how I left off in the last chapter, but you'll get it eventually. Remember, I'm pulling this plot out my ass.

**DISCLAIMER**: (Hiding in forest) THEYRE MINE! (Suddenly snatched up by Lawyer Nins) NOOO! IM SOOORRY!

"Talking in English" and 'Thinking in English'

"_Talking in Japanese_" and '_Thinking in Japanese_'

_**x**_

The ride back to Grimmauld Place was a quiet one. It wasn't as if Harry was ever awkward around Mr. Weasley, it was just that he felt so relieved that his court hearing went well, that he really had nothing else he wanted to say.

But he had a feeling that the relief would be short lived.

Harry suddenly gasped in pain, and immediately rushed shaking fingers to his forehead, his scar burning intensely.

"Harry? You alright?"

"…yeah."

"Well, we're almost there, then."

"..."

Harry's fingers stayed fixed to his scar the rest of the car ride.

_**x**_

Naruto couldn't exactly place the feeling he was experiencing at the moment. Maybe the best he could come up with was pain, like a weightless, boundless pain that tore at his insides and sent his mind reeling. And it was dark. Dark with flashes of light, that, if he focused enough, were images.

He saw a fleeting train.

He saw portions of a massive castle.

And he saw many faces, ones that he recognized, and many that he didn't.

The last one he could remember was the Kyuubi. Then it was dark for a long time.

_**x**_

Sasuke saw light, and instantly began reaching for it as it began to get bigger and brighter, engulfing the darkness that curled around him like a blanket of ice. The pain stopped abruptly as soon as he broke free from what felt like thousands of years of agony.

A choked gasp force itself out of his lungs, which at the moment, felt dried and twisted as he landed on something hard and obviously carpeted. Not soon after, he heard a pained cough from Sakura, and a loud curse from Naruto as they both materialized in the air, only to fall beside him in indignant heaps of arms, legs, and heaving bodies.

After regaining his breath, and adjusting his eyes to the light of the room, he looked up from his crouched position to see a smiling Kakashi, standing over him reading Icha Icha Paradise as if nothing bordering the line of unusual had occurred.

"_What… in the __**fuck**__… was that?_" breathed Sasuke.

"_Ah, Sasuke, the first to recover. What a surprise._"

"_Dammit… Kakashi… no one said anything about the pain!_"

"_It's always easier to figure these sort of things out for yourself._"

On his left, Naruto straighten himself up off the ground, and Sasuke immediately followed his actions, not wanting to appear weak. He turned to see Sakura doing the same, but having a little more trouble. Sasuke debated helping her, but decided not to, wanting to save her the possible humiliation.

They had landed in a room lit by candles with a large, oval shaped table situated in the middle, covered in strange scrolls and surrounded by chairs. There was a door on the far side of the room, and a ragged bookshelf crammed with books and artifacts spewing abnormal chakra. The only window in the room was covered with heavy black curtains, and the walls themselves seemed to breath an incomprehensible aura. All in all, it was a dark, dismal place.

"_Where are we, Kakashi-sensei?_" panted the blonde as he wiped sweat from his brow. "_And why did it hurt so much getting here?_"

"_The Transportation Circle is a extremely fast and painful way of getting somewhere far away, requiring massive amounts of chakra and ripping a hole in space and time itself. We, believe it or not, are in a different dimension that slightly overlaps with our own_."

"…_what_?"

"_It's painful because of the huge amount of chakra that's ripping you apart as it puts you back together at the same time_."

"…_what_?"

"_Naruto… never mind_."

"_You should have said that in the beginning!_"

"_So then, Kakashi-sensei, where are we?_" asked Sakura.

"_In an important house owned by an important organization that we will be assisting for our important mission_."

Sasuke stiffened at the mention of an organization. The only organization that he could relate to was the one that his brother was involved in.

"_What kind of organizat_-"

The Uchiha Clan heir shut his mouth mid-sentence as soon as he noticed Kakashi's sudden change in stance from 'leisure' to 'alert'. Then he felt it, a strange, active chakra that flared right underneath the door, and connected above them to what he assumed was another room.

"_Kakashi-sensei, wha-_"

The previously mentioned Jounin stopped Naruto from saying anything more by motioning towards the door, and pointing upwards. The room grew silent and attentive, until each of the Leaf Nin heard the distinctive sound of movement above them.

Then Kakashi gave the signal.

_**x**_

The last thing that Ron heard before the Extendable Ears went silent was a hushed: "Iko, minna!"

"What is it, Ron? What else do you hear?"

"Bloody things broken! At first, all I heard was gibberish, then it just stopped working!"

"Well, they **are **prototypes. Hurry then, pull it up!"

"Right."

Ron soon begin the arduous task of reeling the long, fleshy eavesdropping devices in, but, to his surprise, it came up short.

"Her… Hermione!"

"What?"

"Look at this!" he blurted as he held up the bleeding, severed end of what used to be the base of a previously whole Extendable Ear. "Bloody hell! It looks like someone cut it!"

"Who would cu-"

"_**BANG**_!"

Hermione completed her sentence with a scream as the door exploded open with a sound resembling that of dynamite detonation. Smoke spilled out from the new, massive, jagged hole of a door way, chips of wood rained down upon her and Ron's heads.

Ron reached out and yanked Hermione behind him just in time to see four, blurred figures shoot into the room and surround them holding what seemed to be pointed, steel daggers. As soon as he took notice of their weapons, the red headed boy pulled out his wand from his back pocket, ready to hex the intruders straight to hell.

But before he could even utter a syllable, he found himself, and Hermione, pinned to the floor by a blonde clad in bright orange, and a scowling boy who's dark hair seemed to fall upwards.

"Naruto…" said the white haired man.

"Hai, Kakashi-sensei! Wakatta!"

"Hey!" cried Ron as he felt a rope wrap itself around his wrists, which were pulled behind his back, seeing as how he was being held down on his stomach. "What are you doing? Stop it! HELP! Sirius! Fred! George! …MUM!"

"Urusei!" snapped the voice of his agitated captor, and when Ron didn't comply, he felt a steel dagger move to rest upon his jugular. The red head found himself silent, his voice lost in fear and the desperation to come up with some brilliant plan to escape, with Hermione, unscathed. So he did what he had usually done in these sort of situations:

'What would Harry do?'

_**x**_

_**Seven Minutes Earlier…**_

_**x**_

"Hey, Mr. Weasley, who's this letter for?"

"Oh, that! Found it in the back of the car, addressed to Sirius. Supposed to get it days ago, guess I just forgot to give it to him. Say, Harry, why do you keep touching your forehead?"

"Um… Mr. Weasley, the stamp on the back of the letter says, 'URGENT.'"

Harry didn't know that the human neck could move like that. In one swift motion, Mr. Weasley snapped his face towards the younger boy and grabbed the letter so quickly, that it took a second or two for him to register what happened, and the car, lacking a drivers guidance, swerved wildly for a few frightening moments until Harry finally seized the steering wheel to steady the rampant vehicle.

"This…this is from Dumbledore! Sealed with a Phoenix, so it must be Order news! Harry, what if its something extremely important? No, it **must **be important! All Order news is important!"

"Calm down, Mr. Weasley!" cried Harry, "Let's just read it now and tell Sirius ourselves!"

"You can't open letters addressed to a specific person when it has to do with the Order! Dumbledore could have hexed it to curse anyone who opens it except Sirius!"

Harry gave Mr. Weasley a skeptical look before snatching the letter back and opening it without hesitation.

"Harry, NO!"

"Dear Sirius," read Harry, who was unsurprisingly unscathed, "I am pleased to inform you of great news involving our cause. I have just contacted the successor of the late Professor Sarutobi, leader of the Leaf Ninja."

Leaf… Ninja? He had only read the first sentence of the letter, but Harry had found himself pausing to digest the information.

"The current leader, a Madame Tsunade, has just agreed to support us in our favor (for an impressive amount of gold) even though short staffed… Wait, this is ridiculous! Ninjas? Dumbledore has just hired an army of **ninjas**?"

"Apparently."

But, despite the ludicrousness of the idea, Harry knew that it wasn't impossible. To be honest, Harry wasn't exactly all that surprised, he had had worst shocks in his lifetime.

"She will send four of her best shinobi on hand now, and add on as many as she can as soon as she can. They are… due to arrive…" Harry stopped in the reciting of the very important letter to speculate something. "Hey, Mr. Weasley, what's today's date?"

"The twenty fourth, why?"

"They are due to arrive on the twenty fourth of August, 3:00pm sharp."

"And that's…?"

"In seven minutes."

It was then, when Harry began to reconsider the worst shocks of his life.

_**x**_

"Anata wa dare desu ka?"

"…"

"Oi, teme! Anata wa dare desu ka?"

"…What _**in the hell **_are you gibbering on about?"

_**x**_

Harry burst through the door, or what had used to be the door, of the room that Ron, Hermione, and himself shared to find a strange and almost funny, if it wasn't so terrifying, sight:

His two best friends tied up on their stomachs with knives pressed to their throats by who he had assumed to be the ninja that Dumbledore mentioned in his letter. The two ninja that _weren't _pinning down Ron and Hermione compromised of an old, white haired man with three quarters of his face covered, reading a book that had a tremendous red "R" on the cover, and a girl with pink hair.

But the blonde, blue-eyed, ninja dressed in bright orange, and the black haired, dark eyed ninja with what seemed like a resentful disposition _were _pining down Ron and Hermione.

As soon as Harry reached for his wand, the white haired ninja turned in his direction, but never took his eyes off the red book. Harry guessed it was some sort of Sacred Ninja Manual.

Mr. Weasley had sent off for Sirius, trusting Harry to deal with the ninjas alone. It took Harry some time to realize how terribly out of character Mr. Weasley suddenly was, and how utterly strange that last sentence sounded.

Harry stopped, not making any sudden movements. The white haired ninja, probably, raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. It was hard to tell with his face almost completely covered.

"Harry!" cried Ron, earning him a threatening shake from his dark haired captor.

"Hari?" repeated the white haired man, surprised. "Poteru Hari?"

Another shock to add to his 'Worst Shocks of his Life List.' It was getting longer by the day, now.

"What? …Oh! Oh yes! I'm Harry Potter!" said Harry, pointing to himself frantically, glad that his famous name might have saved him from the ninjas who had began to converse in hush tones amongst themselves. After they seemed to agree on something, the room was silent again, except for Ron's manly whimpering, until the white haired man commanded a short order, causing the two boys to retreat from Ron and Hermione's prone forms, cutting away the rope as they did.

His two friends, granted freedom, scrambled up and behind Harry.

"Gomen nasai, Poteru-san!" said the pink haired girl as she approached Harry, who could barely make out his own name due to her thick accent. She then pointed to herself and said slowly and clearly, "Haruno Sakura." She then pointed to the dark haired boy, and did the same for his name, as all the other ninja.

"Uchiha Sasuke." A grunt.

"Uzumaki Naruto." An enthusiastic wave.

"Kakashi-sensei." A page turn.

'Sensei' was about the only word he understood, and that was only because of mass media and _The Karate Kid._

Haruno Sakura had just finished introducing herself and the other shinobi when Sirius burst through the giant hole in the wall that now served as a door, wand in hand and looking as if he was having more fun than he ever had in years.

"Oh, Harryyoudidn'tgotoAzakabanthat'sgoodaretheninja'shereyet?" he said in one, rushed, excited breath.

"Thanks for the concern, Sirius."

"Ninjas!"

The mentioned individuals turned their waning attention to the thin, long haired man standing in front of the massive hole in the wall, motioning for them to follow him out of said massive hole.

Harry couldn't help but follow.

And as he filed out the room with the wizards, ninjas, and a witch, he found himself dreading the upcoming school year.

_**x**_

Definitions in order of appearance:

(1) "Let's go, everyone!"

(2) "I got it!" or "I understand!"

(3) "Shut up!"

(4) "Who the hell are you?"

(5) "Oh, Harry you didn't go to Azakaban that's good are the ninjas here yet?"


	3. A Bowl of Fear and Anger

**Thank you, everyone that reviewed!**

**:D**

_**x**_

"Talking in English" and 'Thinking in English' / "_Talking in Japanese_" and '_Thinking in Japanese_'

**DISCLAIMER**: I didn't really mean that the Naruto-tachi were mine, I meant to say, that… that they… were MIMES! (does poor impression of mime in glass box) Ha ha ha… ha.

_**x**_

Naruto was, to put bluntly, a excruciatingly humongous, clueless idiot. And it wasn't just Sakura who thought that, but also everyone in The Hidden Leaf. And The Hidden Waterfall of Sand. The Hidden Mist. Parts of the Bird Country. The WHOLE Rock Country. And of course, any other small towns, house holds, buildings, or fruit stands he had just happened to come across.

Not that he knew that EVERYONE knew.

And even though this observation was completely irrelevant, Sakura really did think Naruto held strange and striking similarities to foxes. Without the wit.

The (blinding) orange outfit, his intense curiosity, the way he squeezed his eyes shut when he grinned, and of course, the whiskers.

But these strange similarities and the analysis of Naruto's intelligence had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that, fueled by raw, idiotic curiosity, Naruto pulled down a curtain hanging in the dark hall way. Why? Does anyone really know? No.

Sakura didn't see it coming, Sasuke couldn't stop him, and Kakashi couldn't care less. Hell, even Haku, the Grand Ice Demon Speed King in all his feminine glory couldn't stop him from yanking down that damned curtain.

And apparently, under damned curtains, resided cursed paintings. Said painting had, probably after being exposed to the light, (because all demons hated the light), commenced in an unholy, evil screeching.

"_Naruto, you idiot! That's a demon painting!_" cried Sakura, frantically performing purification hand seals to protect herself from evil demon-speak as Naruto started repeatedly shouting the Japanese equivalent of, "The power of Christ compels you!" And of course, Sasuke watched in the immediate background.

It took the skinny, long haired man, the red headed man with glasses, and Kakashi-sensei to wrestle the unnaturally stubborn curtains closed.

Before disappearing into what appeared to be the dining room, Naruto shouted a loud, "_This house is AWESOME!_"

_**x**_

"When I hear the word 'ninja,'" said Harry, motioning towards the four figures sitting at the end of the dining table eating buttered scones, "this is NOT what comes to mind."

Ron and Hermione both, at his sudden statement, lazily turned their faces in Harry's general direction. He thought it was odd that they both seemed, kind of, 'OKAY' with the fact that they were almost carried and off and killed by ninjas.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, Harry. What's a ninja?"

"You're asking me NOW?"

"Oh yeah, you're right! I COULD have asked when I was tied up on the floor of my bedroom with a knife at my neck, hm?"

Hermione took that time to steer the conversation away from their recent near-death experience by answering Ron's question.

"Ninjas are like warriors, generally from Japan, who are trained from birth in the ancient art of shadows, serving people who pay them."

"Well, gee Hermione," drawled Harry, "now that you put it _that_ way…"

Ron's face changed from curious to horrified in an instant, saying, "That has Death Eater written ALL over it!"

Mr. Weasley took that time to bust through the door, looking excited and out of breath.

"Quiet! Quiet everyone! We need to discuss business with our… guests."

"Dad, it's not like you can understand what they're saying, anyway."

It looked as if something had finally clicked in Mr. Weasley's mind.

"Ron! Get your mother! I just remembered something."

"What, Mum speaks gibber?"

"Japanese." corrected Hermione crossly.

"No, she's great at Charms, so she has to know a Translation Charm…"

Harry looked at Hermione, both of them wearing the same look, a look that clearly said:

'The worst has yet to come.'

And how right they were.

_**x**_

In a fight over dominance between Sakura and Naruto, Sasuke didn't need to watch the fight to know who would to win. And today, it was over 'scones.' A pastry that was buttery and delicious and not too sweet. Not that he wouldn't die before voicing that.

But he only had one tasty scone, and all for the sake of the mission. He was too busy watching the 'Hari' boy with his insanely exceptional peripheral vision to eat anything, he knew Kakashi was doing the same, or maybe he really WAS reading porn? Bastard.

It wasn't long until the red haired boy brought down a large, red haired woman, probably his mother, who to Sasuke's light alarm, was holding a stick. The GoDaime had warned them to treat a stick in the face as you would a kunai by not allowing it to get that far, but in the off set it did, watch it's movements and attack accordingly.

"_Kakashi… she has a stick_." said Sasuke only loud enough for the Jounin's ears.

"_Yes, I see. I was told not to take alarm from the people residing in the house_."

"_Then why did we ATTACK them?_"

Sasuke was answered with silence, then the turn of a page.

The Uchiha Clan Heir decided to ignore his sensei, who didn't seem quite right in the head, (not that he ever did), and focus his attention on the large woman coming towards him.

She seemed to give some sort of greeting, catching the attention of Naruto and Sakura, and smiled to them. Sakura smiled back warily as Naruto gave his huge, trademark, 'I don't know what the hell is going on, but I'm happy anyway' grin.

The woman took this as her queue to do whatever it was that she had intended, which was wave her stick. The idea of her coming all this was to wave a stick mildly irritated Sasuke, until she said a word and materialized four button-pins out of thin-air, handing them one each. She gave a gesture that encouraged them to put them on, and they complied…even though Sasuke's button had a picture of a purple smiley face plastered on it.

"_Kakashi-sensei! Why does mine have a boot on it?_"

Sasuke suddenly felt that he actually liked his purple happy face. As long as it wasn't a boot.

"All set? Do you understand me now?"

Naruto fell out of his chair, Sakura dropped the scone she had just grabbed, and Kakashi turned a page.

But Sasuke, Sasuke kept his cool, and instead, gaped slightly.

"I can… I can understand you!" cried Naruto from his position on the floor. "Ah! I'm speaking some strange, gibbery language! How...how is this happening?"

The woman smiled knowingly, and said "Dear, the button-pins translate what you are saying, so that you speak our language, English."

"That's AMAZING! What else can you do?" said Naruto excitingly, jumping up from his position on the floor. "I want to learn that jutsu too!"

"Learn?" said the woman, slightly taken aback. "Well, dear, if you really want to, then I'm sure I can find some time in my busy schedule to teach you some things, but for now, I have to deal with cleaning the house." She then sighed forlornly in an overly dramtic way before saying, "…Alone."

Naruto looked disappointed, but quickly covered it up with a smile, which the woman returned with one of her own, asking them to call her Mrs. Weasley.

As soon as the woman left, the room fell uncomfortably silent, the only ones left in the dining room consisted of who he assumed was Mr. Weasley and the three kids that they had encountered before in the ambush upstairs.

It was Sakura that made the first move.

She walked over to the bushy haired girl, and said in a good natured voice, "Ah… We're… REALLY sorry about tying you and your friend up."

The red headed boy coughed indignantly.

"…And threatening to kill you."

The bushy haired girl smiled real friendly-like, and said, "That's quite alright! Mistakes like that happen… all the time? Welcome to the Order! If Dumbledore can trust you, then so can we!" The girl turned to the red headed boy to give him an evil look that could maybe rival Sakura's.

"I'm Hermione Granger, by the way."

"So you say your family name last, right? I'm Sakura Haruno."

"Nice to meet you Sakura!"

The girl, Hermione, held out her hand the same moment Sakura dipped her head in a bow.

They both laughed awkwardly for a moment, and the room fell silent again. Sasuke wished for a distraction, ANY type of distraction to save him from this room filled with awkward tension and dribbling idiots.

Unfortunately for him, it came in the form of a request.

_**x**_

Naruto honestly didn't know that him asking to be taught the new jutsu would end up with him, and the rest of his four-man cell, cleaning an unbelievably dirty house.

Mrs. Weasley-obachan had said, and Naruto quoted: "Naruto, I could help you learn some spells faster if you help me first!" in a innocent, sing-song voice.

And how could he refuse? That was right, he couldn't. He had the habit of turning to pudding every time someone had asked him a favor with a smiling face and a kind voice. Especially women.

But at that time he didn't know the true horrors of that house, or the unholy creatures that resided within it.

The things that were alive but had to be dead by the afternoon included little, sooty, flying demons, dust creatures that bit at your toes, a two-headed crab that had locked himself in the upstairs bathroom, a goblin that went by the name 'Kreatcher,' talking mold, and two, red headed twin boys that appeared and disappeared randomly within the house, generally creating havoc.

But luckily, Mrs. Weasley-obachan had halted all cleaning for the day after Sasuke had katon housenkai-ed the hell out of the sooty-black biting demons in an act of uncharacteristic surprise, and getting a letter that announced something to do with Ron and the Bushy-Hair becoming what could be the wizard equivalent of chuunins.

The house lit up in cheers, the wizard population sincerely happy for their companions, and the ninja population sincerely happy for themselves, who didn't have to clean anymore.

And amongst the celebrations, Naruto recognized a smile that the boy, Harry, had plastered onto himself right from the beginning. One that covered suppressed feelings full of envy, self doubt, and deceit.

It was a smile that Naruto, at times, found himself wearing, and was shocked to see it worn by someone else.

Naruto noticed how he found himself following the Harry boy, using his unskillful stealth skills to the best of his ability. He had eventually ran into a bored Sasuke talking to a delighted Sakura, probably because Sasuke was actually talking this time, and they began to stalk Harry together.

Naruto saw him talk to various people, with the word 'Prefect' said repeatedly, he saw Harry scowl at his red headed friend, also repeatedly, and he watched as the strange wizard with an insanely abnormal blue eye that spun around in its socket randomly present Harry with a picture.

Harry then, plastered that familiar, replicated smile, and excused himself up the stairs.

Naruto and his cell-mates could do nothing more than follow, going up the hallway and up the stairs, past the glaring paintings with searching eyes, down three doors to the left, and bursting through the doorway, but not literally this time, led them face to face with a dying Ron.

Who turned into a dying Mr. Weasley, then another dying boy with red hair, and another, then a dying Harry…

"M… Mrs. Weasley!"

Harry bolted to the side of a huddled, sobbing Mrs. Weasley-obachan with speed that could mildly impress Lee. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were soon to follow.

"What the hell is going on?" cried Naruto, dumbfounded.

"Don't panic, its just a henge, we can take care of him easily."

Then the Harry boy, maybe in an act of heroism, jumped in front of Mrs. Weasley-obachan, and the dying red head became something entirely different. But Naruto couldn't tell if it was a henge or if had just changed back to what could be it's original form.

The thing was a tall, skeleton thin creature, covered with a black, ragged cloak who's frays fluttered in the breezeless room, it chilled Naruto's bones, and apparently Harry's too. The other boy seemed frozen, wide eyed and mouth slightly agape, only to quickly change to a determined glare as he moved to draw his wand. But Sasuke, at his defense, jumped in front of Harry before he could even begin to show any bit of emotion mildly resembling surprise.

Sasuke's body, from the hair on his head to the toe nails on his feet, tensed up in a fraction of a second after he laid wide, enraged eyes on Itachi.

Itachi, wearing his black and red-cloud Akatsuki cloak, stared at his younger brother, somber face blank amidst the blue-electric glow of a developing Chidori.

A thousand birds sang as Naruto felt his heart skip a beat.

Then Sakura jumped in between the two Uchiha, her arms spread wide at an attempt in creating a human shield, just as the older brother moved to strike.

Sasuke's pained rage turned to bewilderment as he found himself, through the junction of Sakura's neck and shoulder, staring face to face with… himself. Sasuke's Chidori died in his palm as he studied his other self. The duplicate was smiling menacingly, eyes stained red with the Sharingan and dark curse marks crawling from the seal and curling themselves around the left side of his body.

Naruto, knew what was happening now, and being the only Genin who hadn't jumped ahead with the intention of saving someone, did just that.

But he wasn't surprised by what he saw.

The Kyuubi.

He saw the evil, laughing eyes of the Kyuubi, all nine tails lashing, and giving off a thick red chakra that licked the surrounding air before dissipating in the silent room like steam from a bowl of ramen.

Naruto's knees buckled, and he hit the ground. Looking away from the Kyuubi, he saw that Sasuke and Sakura were doing the same. His body was igniting with the same agony that he had experienced during the Circle Transmutation, it tore at him, but he refused to scream. Naruto wrapped his arms around his body, and turned his attention back to the Kyuubi.

But he saw himself.

He saw himself bearing a familiar pained expression, with red, tainted eyes and viciously elongated fangs, shirtless, gripping the swirling seal on his belly so intensely that it dripped blood.

"_Riddikulus!"_

And he vanished in a puff of furling smoke.

_**x**_


	4. Bakes a Cake of Hatred

Your reviews made me update like, a week earlier. Seriously.

Oh and... HAVE YOU READ BLEACH 177-178? FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

_**x**_

Harry couldn't speak, couldn't breath, couldn't register what was happening.

He watched soundlessly as the dark haired ninja, Sasuke, jumped in between him and the boggart. He watched as the creature turned from a boy no older than Bill into a demented Sasuke, into a monster fox, and finally, into Naruto.

Then he vanished before becoming the moon.

The three shinobi were on the floor not too soon after collapsed in heaps. They didn't utter a sound, but their agony was obvious.

"Lupin!"

"Merlin, Harry, what happened here?" asked the werewolf while rushing into the room with Sirius, "Molly! Molly, are you alright?"

Once Harry made sure that Lupin and Sirius had Mrs. Weasley under control, he quickly moved to assist the three incapacitated ninjas. He reached Sasuke first, but when Harry touched the boy, he painfully shoved him away, angrily muttering something in Japanese.

In a sudden appearance of curly white smoke and a soft 'pop,' the other ninja, Kakashi, manifested beside Harry's shocked form.

"I don't think you should try that." said the man through his thin, meshed mask.

"What, you're not going to help them... your own kind?"

Harry watched as the older man's one visible eye softened.

"None of them would allow it."

And with those last words, the silver haired shinobi tucked the red Sacred Ninja Manual away, straightened up, and walked over to his students with an air of authority that Harry had found him to lack in the short amount of time he knew the man.

And Harry just watched, desperate for something to expect.

_**x**_

"Get up, all of you."

Even through all the pain and rage, the anger and humiliation, Sasuke could still hear Kakashi's voice.

And Sasuke stood, defiant of his shaking knees.

"These are the effects of Circle Transportation." Kakashi said, and added, " When traveling through space and time you would, of course, see images of the moments of space and time that you overlap with."

"What… does this have to do with anything?" Sasuke gasped.

"Did you see images during the Transportation, Sasuke?"

Sasuke paused to think. Yes, he thought, he had.

"And what did you see?"

"My brother, a castle," he murmured thoughtfully, he stole a quick glance at Naruto, still huddled over, before adding, "…and the Kyuubi."

"You will feel the effects each and every time you had a brief connection with this dimension during the transportation."

"…Each time? All of them as bad as this one?"

"No, they will get steadily less powerful. The first one is always the worst."

Sasuke straightened up a little more as he felt the pain begin to ebb away. But the better he felt outside, the worst he felt inside.

His brother. What genjutsu caused him to encounter his brother's image, his only remaining relative, the cause of his instability, and the last person he wanted to see?

"Kakashi…why… why did my…?"

"That creature was a genjutsu monster… and takes the shape of a person's greatest fear."

Sasuke felt the anger and humiliation burst inside his gut like blow torched dynamite.

He was… _afraid _of his older brother? No, that wasn't it. He wasn't afraid of anything… he wasn't _afraid _of his older brother. He wanted to _kill _his older brother. Sasuke hated him, he loathed him. He hated his face, his voice, his coat, his girly hair, his purple fingernails … and he hated the possibility that he would never be able to defeat him.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in realization.

He wasn't afraid of his brother, he was afraid of failure.

Sasuke watched blankly as Naruto helped Sakura off the ground, remembering the raw rage he felt when he fought the blonde on the roof of the hospital only a few days ago. He remembered his feral lust for power… and the hatred… and the shame.

The only fear that he held towards anything was weakness.

_**x**_

"That creature was a genjutsu monster… and takes the shape of a person's greatest fear."

From his position on the ground, Naruto felt himself almost laugh mirthlessly.

Fear? Yeah, right.

There had to be something else to it, because Naruto knew felt no fear in the eyes of the Kyuubi.

From the beginning, Naruto knew what that monster did. But he knew Sasuke wasn't afraid of his brother, he knew that Sakura wasn't afraid of Sasuke… and he was damn sure he wasn't afraid of that Bastard Fox.

And the genjutsu monster had not only faced him with the Nine-Tails, but with himself.

Just the thought of him breaking his control, bearing the Kyuubi for everyone to see and being abandoned and alone again tore Naruto apart with a pain that surpassed that of ten thousand Transportation Circles. It wasn't just his fear, it was his weakness.

Naruto forced himself off the ground, feeling heavy and drained, helping up Sakura as he did. She gave him a thankful nod and a smile. He smiled back.

But behind the careless grin, there was only the sinking, black sensation of his helplessness.

_**x**_

It took a whole day after the Boggart Incident for Ron to realize something.

"Hey, Harry, school starts tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah… it does!"

"Aren't those three, like, posing as students?"

"I suppose so."

Ron made a wide motion over a scowling, a bright orange clad, and a pink haired ninja before yelling, "THEN DON'T YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BLEND IN A BIT?"

Harry's eyes grew wide, he had never thought about it until now, but the ninja trio knew less than nothing about the Wizarding World, didn't have wands, looked one thirds homicidal, but expected to fit into Hogwarts?

"They'll never survive a day!" he cried in helpless panic.

"Oi! If there's one thing that we _CAN _do, it's survive!" shot back an indignant Naruto, "If I can complete the Chuunin Exam with all my limbs, than I can _GO TO SCHOOL_." The pink haired girl, who's name escaped Harry at times, agreed.

"Kakashi-sensei said Tsunade-no-bachan had all our books and clothes out of the way, so now all we need to do is get a stick! Sakura! There's a tree outside, so-"

"Wait wait wait!" cried Ron, his voice hysterical, "These are not just common sticks that you can pick up off the ground! You have to get yours fitted at a special store!"

Naruto blinked at him, bewildered, before saying, "Fitted sticks… that you buy at a special store… If this is a world of specialized sticks, then the school must be _outrageous!_"

Ron gave up.

"You know what?" said Harry, "We'll show you." He got up off the couch, and lead the group of shinobi out of the living room they had been residing in. "Come on Ron, get your mother." Ron enthusiastically obliged by yelling, "MUM!" repeatedly until she appeared, ruffled and irritated.

"Mum! Mum! …MUM!"

"WHAT?"

"Harry wants you."

Mrs. Weasley produced the greatest whole-body twitch ever witnessed.

"Mrs. Weasley, could you take us to Diagon Alley?"

Mrs. Weasley smoothed out her apron and huffed before asking why.

"Because the ninjas don't have wands."

Mrs. Weasley had everyone in the car and off to the Leaky Cauldron before you could say "Whip lash."

"Alright! We're here everyone!"

"Where exactly is here?" asked Naruto, the question smothered in unimpressed monotone.

"The Leaky Cauldron."

"So, they sell leeks _and _sticks. Joy."

"Now now, Naruto!" said Kakashi, "There must be something more to this smelly, dirty, dark and nasty pub!"

"STOP! Just stop! If anything can impress you, it's Diagon Alley , so you just wait!" Ron snapped, Naruto rolled his eyes and walked boldly into the pub, followed by his entourage.

Harry was the last one to enter after Kakashi, smiling to the bartender as the group made their way to the back of the pub, right into the dead end of an alley.

"A dead-end alley," murmured Naruto to the pink haired girl, "this place is more impressive than I thought." The statement earned another great, full-body twitch, but this time, from Ron.

"Alright then, look alive!" called Mrs. Weasley, taking her wand out, "We're about to enter!"

Harry watched an uninterested Naruto as Mrs. Weasley tapped her wand on the bricks of the wall, and at first, there was silence. Then the unexpected sound of hundreds of bricks scraping as they overlapped each other, reforming a door.

"Uwaaah!"

The door to Diagon Alley.

"Ron, now that we're here, we can look for your Prefect present!"

And Harry thought that he was feeling better about that...

A terrible mixed feeling of jealously and inferiority boiled its way out of the darkest pits of Harry's subconscious and bobbing to the surface of his mind, but he forced it back down. He had decided earlier during the party that it wasn't _Ron's_ fault that he had been chosen to be a Prefect.

It was everyone _**else's**_ fault.

He cursed under his breath as he watched Ron run back and forth from one broom-store to another, enthusiastically comparing Cleansweeps and Comets, hoping at the same time that his jealousy wasn't just confused hatred.

Harry closed his eyes and turned his face away in shame, wishing that the troubled thoughts would vanish from his mind. Forgetting that he was walking in the middle of a crowded walkway, he bumped into someone, who he had quickly and politely apologized to, but the response he received was that of one he didn't expect.

"Mendokuse..."

_**x**_

I had so much writer's block during this chapter, it hurt.


	5. And Pastries Full of Mayhem

**AN EDIT FROM THE FUTURE): It had been decided later in the story that there be no pairings.**

AN: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! Especially my regulars, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside when I know that someone is following along with this fic... you know... besides me...

And for those crossing their fingers for pairings... I have to admit that I don't know whether I should lean towards shounen-ai, or het. So in the mean time, I'm just going to give hints on pairings until I decide what to do. Strong, noticeable hints. That are extremely obvious. Maybe.

And guess what, Morena Evensong! I READ 179-197 OF BLEACH! I WAS ALL LIKE OMFGWTFOMFG! I **died** from the greatness! And I also watched episode 64 of Prince of Tennis… that anime is the SHIT, in the good way of course…

**And hey!** **Why do I have more story alerts than reviews! D:**

DISCLAIMER: Naruto-tachi are not mine. They are mimes.

_**x**_

"Talking in English" and 'Thinking in English'

"_Talking in Japanese_" and '_Thinking in Japanese_'

_**x**_

Naruto had to admit that he was impressed… extremely impressed.

Mrs. Weasley-obachan used her stick, or wand, as Ron liked to call them, to tap the bricks and create a door to the alley of Diagons. Even Sasuke, who hadn't spoke a word since the Genjutsu Monster, looked slightly surprised.

Now that he thought about it, Sasuke had been more distant than usual after they fought on the hospital roof. And even though Naruto hated to admit it, he was worried.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind when he spotted Ron comically running back and forth between two stores, shouting something about brooms. Sticks... brooms... Ron sure was easy to entertain, and when angry, fun to watch.

Diagon Alley, now that Naruto thought about it, sort of reminded him of the Main Market Square in Konohagure. It was loud, bustling, and crowded with people fulfilling everyday tasks. Except that here, they didn't "run down to the market for a few kunai," and there was no one shouting jutsu, also, no one was jumping from roof top to roof top, no familiar "clank! clank!" sound of distant sparing, and no Gai performing ridiculous self imposed punishments.

It was as then, trailing behind Mrs. Weasley-obachan down this strange, foreign alley, did Naruto realize his homesickness, and the thought of a yearlong mission in such a strange place didn't didn't ease the feeling in the least.

He sighed, and smiled. If he closed his eyes and concentrated hard enough, he could feel just feel the fresh Konoha wind on his face, the smell of Ichiraku's Ramen Shop, and hear-

"Mendokuse..."

Shikamaru?

Mrs. Weasley-obachan had just announced their destination, an old, worn looking store, and entered with his team, leaving Naruto, who could have sworn he heard the newly appointed chuunin, outside. 'I mean,' Naruto thought, 'I'm not _that_ home sick...'

With the glimpse of a green flak jacket and a pony tail full of tall, spiky hair, Naruto spotted Shikamaru, emerging from the crowd and looking slightly harassed.

"_Shikamaru!_" Naruto yelled, jumping in the air and waving his hands to catch the chuunin's attention, despite the fact that he was less than ten feet in front of him. "_Shikamaru, over here_!" The other boy looked surprised, then indifferent, and sauntered over to the orange-clad blonde.

"_Oi, Naruto! Didn't think our teams would meet up so soon_." he said with a smirk, "_but I think I lost Chouji and the others bumping into some idiot…" _he looked around noticing something missing, and said_, "And what, you lost your team too?"_

"_No_," replied the grinning blonde, "_they went into the wand store, and come on! We have to tell Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei that you're here_" he grabbed the other boy's arm and pulled him in the direction of said store's entrance.

Shikamaru looked confused before asking, "_Wand store? You mean the place where you get your sticks?_"

"_Yeah_!"

"_Ah, that's what we were looking for before we got separated_." he said, adding a 'mendokuse' under his breath to emphasize the troublesomeness of the situation. "_We only got here about two hours ago in the 'pub.' Hokage-sama said to acquire the 'magical sticks' on arrival, but we had no idea what she meant._"

"_How did you get here? Transportation Circle?_"

Shikamaru looked as disturbed as his apathetic demeanor would allow, and said, "_A Transportation Circle? Those are only used for summoning those huge, animal demon-spirits, we used that port key. How did __**you**__ get here?_"

Naruto laughed, rubbing the back of his head before saying sheepishly, "_Heh... it's a long story_."

Shikamaru shook his head, "Mendokuse..."

Sakura took this time to stick her head out of the wand store entrance, yelling for Naruto to "Get your ass in here!" before she saw Shikamaru, and yelling a "_How did you get here!_"

Shikamaru, despite the troublesomeness, told her.

Sasuke came out a little while later, arms crossed, and aggravation obvious, not even giving Shikamaru a glance, much less a greeting. Naruto couldn't help but wonder what the hell was his problem. The lazy chuunin didn't seem to notice, or most likely, didn't care, as he asked Team Seven for their assistance. And also, how in the hell did they learn English.

The blonde ignored the raven haired Uchiha as he happily explained to Shikamaru their side of the story, leaving Sakura to tell Mrs. Weasley-obachan and Kakashi-sensei that their wand fitting would have to be delayed an hour or two.

With all the preparations completed, Shikamaru went over the expectantly brilliant, last minute mission plans, and they were off. Sakura to the pub, Sasuke to where ever he wanted, (he seemed too irritated to participate), and Naruto to everywhere imaginable.

With the echo of "Taju! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" he multiplied. People gasped as at least a hundred blonde, orange clad figures exploded onto the street, roofs tops, flag poles, store signs, and the occasional innocent bystander. A battle cry of a hundred identical voices rang in the air, and the makeshift mission commenced.

_**x**_

Harry sighed in a less crowded part of Diagon Alley, he had successfully gotten away from Ron, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, and the strange shinobi. Or at least, he thought.

He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Naruto run past him, first one time, then a second time, again, and again, and again...

And again and again and again.

Harry had more than enough by then, stopping the blonde the next time he ran past, and grabbing him by his white, cotton collar. From what he knew about Naruto, he was probably training, doing laps around the Alley from lack of ninja action.

But even though Harry had him firmly in his grasp, another Naruto ran past him again, and again, and again.

The Boy Who Lived nearly gasped out his lungs in surprise when three more Narutos tapped him on his shoulder and politely asked him to let them go …If that made any sense. Harry immediately did, and the foursome dispersed, jumping on roofs, shop signs, and the occasional witch or wizard.

'What …in the hell, is going on?' thought Harry frantically, running to the more populated areas of Diagon Alley. His mind was sent reeling when his eyes laid upon yet another candidate for a spot in the "Worst Shocks of My Life" list.

Naruto was everywhere. There weren't just the three or four that he had encountered earlier, there were at least fifty, maybe even sixty. They seemed to be looking for something, or someone, and all around, witches and wizards pointed, gaped, and discussed the amazing sight to anyone in earshot.

"What on Earth is going on?" said Harry to no one particular, or so he thought …again. Harry decided to stop that kind of thoughting.

"It's just a Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, Harry! Can't you guys do it too?" said a Naruto that appeared beside him.

Harry, for a brief moment, wondered if they did have a spell that could do such a thing, of course, there were spells that did everything from creating daisy chains to resurrecting the dead into walking, soulless, zombie slaves. So of course they had some ... Cage-y BunBun Juice.

"Uh... Naruto, what did you say you did?" asked Harry, convinced he got the name completely wrong.

"Kage Bunshin, its a multiplication technique."

"Ah."

Harry thought about it. If Voldemort had such a spell, then he could easily resurrect an army, of himself. And if there was such a spell, which Harry knew there was, then wouldn't he know about it? What other things could shinobi do?

Harry watched a group of Narutos walk out an ice cream parlor, and a pair jump on the roof of a broom store. One that Ron was probably in...

Harry instantly was over came with that horrible jealousy, and hated himself, but shook it off. He needed to know what in the world the Narutos were doing.

"Hey, uh... Naruto?"

One of the Narutos, Harry didn't know if it was the same one from before or one that had just stopped by, but the shinobi acknowledged him anyway.

"What exactly are you trying to do?"

The blonde boy seemed to pause with a blank look on his face, as if he had forgot what he put forth all this effort for. Then his face lit up in what could be remembrance, and said with a big confident smile:

"I forgot!"

_**x**_

Shikamaru watched with bored, narrow eyes as Naruto, someone he guessed he could call a comrade, or maybe even an actual friend, ran past him several times.

He and Sakura had given up after the first five minutes, seeing as how Naruto seemed to have the situation under control. The blonde idiot pulled a Kage Bunshin, succeeding in scaring all people and wildlife blessed with sight, and even some that didn't.

But what could Shikamaru do? Besides stretch out on the nearest bench and search for his team in the clouds.

"_Huh... that one looks like Chouji._"

It wasn't long before a Naruto confronted his 'lazy ass,' asking him if he found anyone yet.

"_Kind of_." replied the chuunin.

The annoyed replication, or the real Naruto, only possible in a one out of a hundred chance, then averted his attention somewhere else. To the sound of crunching chips.

"_Shikamaru_, _I found Chouji_." he stated in an aggravated monotone.

Shikamaru did his equivalent of snapping to attention by slowly getting up and turning towards his team mate, giving him a half hearted greeting, and then laying back down. It was followed by the synonymous sound of a hundred Bunshins "popping" in fluffy white clouds of smoke, and the collective sounds of numerous surprised witnesses.

The only Naruto that didn't disappear seemed to be the one standing a few feet from Shikamaru's bench, so apparently, he _was_ the real one. '_Just my luck'_

Asuma, followed by his only female team mate, appeared soon after, frustrated and annoyed. They accused him of day dreaming again, getting himself lost. Scolding him on his lack of alert...ness.

Shikamaru, of course, shrugged it off, and wondered if he could find Temari in the clouds... without her brothers, of course.

_**x**_

Sasuke had been Sharingan-ing the hell out of everything and everyone he could get his red eyes on.

There was one man that appeared to have three heads, but was hiding the other two under misshapen, lumpy bags, an unbelievably ugly old woman advertising love potions (with Sasuke thinking she was the only person in need of love, and shuddering), strange fuzzy pink creatures, enchanted ice cream, various shops that had people lining up to get in, and some that people were quick to pass up...

And then there was an invisible man that Sasuke punched in the head for trying to rob him; he didn't hold back either. Right now, Sasuke expected him to be in the same place he fell... in the middle of a busy walkway and mercilessly trampled upon.

But the senseless act of violence didn't lift his spirits, in fact, it reminded him of home, which reminded him of his weakness, which reminded him of Itachi, which made him angry. That also reminded him that he had to get back home somehow, the incident involving his brother caused him to reawaken those feelings of Naruto that he was trying to suppress. What was it called?

Oh right, hatred.

And the fact that about a hundred Narutos were running around in front of him acting like idiots didn't help in suppressing the feeling in the least.

Sasuke sighed and amused himself by glaring murderously at anyone that dared to look his way. A frightened little girl in huge glasses turned from his gaze... a Naruto replication that walked away, flipping the Uchiha off as he went ...a disturbed woman with a tall, pointy hat hurried past him... and a sour looking boy with silvery-blond, slicked back hair... just glared back.

"What are you looking at, freak?"

Sasuke bristled at the insult, like a provoked cat. Was this guy really picking a fight? Seriously?

"I'm not sure, but it's looking back." snapped Sasuke, his Sharingan flashing and body tense, ready to strike out in defense, or most likely, annoyance.

"Let's see who's 'looking' after I get through with you! _Caecus_!"

Sasuke barely dodged a bright green flash of light that projected towards him, slightly taken off guard by the wand hidden in his opponent's sleeve. Behind him, the attack hit someone with the same sound a chakra blast would, (sort of like the random love-child of the sounds "crack" and "zap") causing the person to yell out, "MERLIN I'M BLIND!"

Sasuke didn't know who Merlin was, but knew what an attack attempt at his sight sounded like.

The Uchiha prodigy had extracted, readied and positioned six kunai in his favorite throwing stance by the time the obnoxious blonde bastard could even form the mental image of flicking his stick. Sasuke smirked, reveling in smugness.

Until a curly white puff of smoke 'popped' behind him, materializing a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke sighed, and sarcastically wondered who _that_ could possibly be.

"Sasuke, Naruto found Cell Ten. Don't waste your time here."

But the kunai didn't budge, reluctance and stubborn pride freezing them where they were held. Sasuke felt malicious red eyes pierce through his attacker. Oh yeah, he will kick his ass. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, but it would be soon.

Another man appeared, except not in the literal sense in the way Kakashi did, behind the pale haired, pale eyed boy that Sasuke had recently sworn to kill on his honor. He suspected them to be father and son, they were practically identical, except that the man had longer hair and was obviously older.

The man seemed to give them a passive snarl, if that was possible, and lead the little spawn of Satan away into and under the dark cover a nearby store. Sasuke scoffed, the little encounter didn't _nearly_ satisfy his fix for daily violence. If he didn't hate Naruto so much at the moment, he would take a few minutes to kick his ass.

Now that he thought about it, the hundred Naruto replications were gone, leaving the Alley extremely silent. Sasuke couldn't believe he hadn't notice that before, he was being about as alert as Shikamaru. And speaking of Shikamaru...

"Why is Cell Ten here?" asked Sasuke, talking to one of his team members for the first time in a whole day and a half.

"Ah, Sasuke… uncharacteristically unalert and unobservant." said Kakashi, removing his hand from his student's shoulder and walking to where Sasuke suspected to be the direction of the wand shop. "Hokage-sama did say that she would send as many available ninja as she could."

'So that was why Shikamaru and his team were here,' thought the raven-haired genin as he followed Kakashi down the Alley, it was more crowded in this area, and he could hear snippets of people's conversations.

"Could you believe it?"

"A boy multiplied two hundred times! The whole Alley was orange and yellow!"

"They were jumping everywhere..."

"I can't find the bathroom, mom!"

Sasuke sighed...Ha, and the Hokage had warned them not to attract any special attention. Leave it to Naruto to blow the little bit of cover in their possession, they stood out enough as it was; their clothes, hair, eyes, everything. Sasuke looked down at his current attire, deeming it more acceptable that of his rival's, but still eye catching in a crowd of witches and wizards wearing those movement-hindering dresses... uh, robes. But he was sure the Hokage had that covered already, they didn't have the time to go shopping.

Kakashi and Sasuke arrived at the wand-fitting store they had abandoned awhile ago with Mrs. Weasley-san, her son, Granger, and Potter, along with his cell and Cell Ten waiting at the entrance.

"Sa-su-ke-kun!" purred Ino in what the boy thought could have been seductively, much to Sakura's displeasure,

"I'm so glad to see you! Mrs. Weasley-obachan just gave me an enchanted button like yours! Isn't it cute?"

It had a lime green trout on it. Adorable.

"Mm." Sasuke answered, it could have been a 'yes', or it could have been a 'no'. It was most definitely a 'no.' Ino of course, took it as a 'yes' and giggled.

Potter and the Weasley boy both watched the spectacle, amused. Sasuke walked past them and into the store, annoyed. And Shikamaru yawned, tired.

It was when Sasuke entered the shop, followed by the rest of his cell, Cell Ten, and the two pairs of witches and wizards, did he realize that the shop was quite small and crowded when crammed with twelve people, also loud.

They made quite a commotion, the Weasley boy and Granger were going at it, Ino was yelling at Chouji, Naruto was chattering on and on with Kakashi (or more like chattering 'at' Kakashi... Kakashi wasn't chattering back), and Shikamaru was yawning. But Sakura was surprisingly quiet.

Besides the store being small and dusty, it was also filled with little, long boxes piled high and in the strangest and most random places. Behind the counter that Sasuke was standing in front of, shelves filled with more boxes and more dust crowded up more of the shop. Sasuke impatiently rang the bell.

A man with gray, wiry hair riding a latter on wheels immediately slid into view, surprising Sasuke and the rest of the cramped shinobi, he hadn't felt the older man's presence at all. It was strange, but strange had no definition in the wizarding world.

"Ah," smiled the shop owner, "Some new faces... and some old."

"Ollivander, we've got some newbies for you," said Weasley.

"Is that so, Ronald? Well then, who's up first?"

If it was even possible, all the shinobi behind Sasuke stepped back a full step, except Shikamaru, who probably felt the action too troublesome, leaving the Uchiha standing alone in front of the counter.

"My, my... eager, aren't we?"

Sasuke's response was the silence of the room.

Ollivander laughed as if the boy had told him an amusing joke, and moved to the back of the shop, rummaging was heard, and he reappeared holding a box.

"Try this then, twelve and a half inches, willow wood, essence of dragon scale." he said, opening the box and handing him a black stick, Sasuke held the long piece of wood, and to his great, sarcastic surprise, nothing happened.

"Don't just stand there! Give it a wave."

Sasuke grudgingly did as he was told, and waved it almost mockingly.

A cataclysmic shockwave of chakra threw the small shop into chaos, boxes flew, glass exploded, lightening flashed, and thunder roared. Ollivander ducked for cover behind the counter, and the shinobi escaped out the front door fearing for their lives, except Naruto, who was thrown twenty feet out a window by force.

After a minute or two of horrific hell the tinkling of glass and the great, heaving pants of Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Hermione, and Harry hiding under a table were the only sounds in the shop, with Sasuke smiling sinisterly in front of the counter.

"I like this one!"

Ollivander jumped up from his makeshift shelter and snatched the wand from Sasuke with the agility that an old man shouldn't posses. "No, no, and definitely not!" he cried, throwing the wand at the back of the shop in the same fashion you would a poisonous snake. Sasuke thought he would have stomped on it, if given the chance.

"Here, try this one then, eight inches, red oak, essence of unicorn mane."

Sasuke grudgingly accepted it, and gave it a wave. The result was almost as catastrophic as a small hurricane. But this time, the shinobi and their hosts were prepared. They refused to enter the shop, and opted to watch the destruction from a safe distance, except for Naruto, who re-entered, and was blown out again through the second window.

"Can I keep _this_ one?" asked an agitated Sasuke, the wands he had received so far were all perfect. But the old man took it away, none the less.

"Here," said Ollivander, slightly shaken, "Eleven inches and eleven centimeters, blood wood, essence of dragon scale. And please," he added, "give it a _small_ wave"

Sasuke waved it again, everyone watching seemed to cringe. They didn't want a repeat of the previous two attempts...

But nothing happened this time, at least, nothing _disastrous_ happened, this time he was enveloped in holy light as angels sang and happy birds twittered. Sasuke could have sworn he could hear a harp playing in the background. He quickly put it back on the counter.

"Take it back!" he cried.

"Ah, strange... strange." mumbled Ollivander, "This particular dragon was a naga mix, been sitting in the back for centuries..." Sasuke choose to ignore him.

"Me next, me next!" Naruto had appeared out of nowhere, pushing the other boy out the way, and jumping up and down in excitement. "Give me something to wave, jiji!"

Ollivander complied as Sasuke gave his wand a few more test waves, the elderly man cringing each time.

And like Sasuke, Naruto attempts at wand fitting could only be described as calamitous. The first one spat fire, the second one triggered lightening, the third one conjured a hive of bees, the fourth one caused an earthquake, the fifth one induced a black out, the sixth summoned Gama Bunta, the seventh brought upon a flash flood, and the eighth mechanized a flaming tornado.

But the ninth produced music and light similar to Sasuke's, much to Naruto's displeasure. He had found the destruction to be extremely entertaining. Ollivander, on the other hand, did not. He was singed, rumpled, wet, and part of his sleeve was still on fire.

He sighed tiredly, and said, "I figured this much. Nine inches nine millimeters, Indian FoxWood, essence of Phoenix ash from its ninth death... and on your ninth try too..."

Naruto froze, his smile slightly dropping around the corners before he plastered on a bigger one in an attempt to hide it, but of course, Sasuke saw.

For some reason, he was thinking back to the encounter with the Genjutsu Monster. Hadn't his fear been the Kyuubi? The Kyuubi that was dead; killed along with the YonDaime? Huh... strange.

Naruto thanked the man and exited the store to join the rest of group, who were safely across the street and away from impending doom, to tell Sakura it was her turn. When they entered the shop, Ollivander smiled and offered her a wand, then said, "Ten inches, cherry wood, core of unicorn mane."

Sakura took it as Ollivander took cover.

Unlike her team mates, Sakura's first wand fit her perfectly, the sound of a Japanese flute flitted through the air as she was enveloped in pink, sparkly light. Sasuke rolled his eyes... who didn't see _that_ coming?

Shikamaru was next, and obtained a wand in his third try, followed after Ino, in her fifth, and Chouji, in his second.

By this time, Ollivander bid then "adieu" from the inside of a shop in ruins.

And Sasuke left, along with the two Cells, two witches, and two wizards.

Diagon Alley was never to be the same again.

_**x**_

My longest chapter yet, and I cranked it out in five(?) days!

So yeah, I know I didn't push you to review before, but now I am. **SO DO IT! **

Um... I meant... please?


	6. YOSH! Youth! Power! Spandex!

AN: WOW YOU GUYS KICK ASS! Thank you for all the great reviews! But even thought they make me want to update as quickly as I can, it may be harder because I got a job last week. And for those who feel like they wasted time reading this because of the possibility of shounen-ai... I'm mildly apologetic. I'm still not sure what to choose, because I love NaruHina, kinda indifferent towards SasuSaku, but friggin _**LOVE**_ SasuNaru. I just wanna pick one that's easiest for me to write.

**(AN EDIT FROM THE FUTURE): It had been decided later in the story that there be no pairings.**

Gah, and thanks for the corrections about the YonDaime... what a stupid mistake... also, I really hope Naruto's wand wasn't _too_ cliche... (Geez, this AN is getting long...)

Thank you for liking my Sasuke, Morena Evensong! I... heh heh... kinda had no intention to make Sasuke seem like Harry, but now that you brought it up, plot bunnies are attacking meeee! And also, I really appreciate your long reviews!

AND OMFG! I'm watching Naruto on Cartoon Network... and... did you know that:

_**THEY DONT SHOW IT! THEY DONT SHOW NARUTO AND SASUKE KISSING! OMFGWTFOMFG!**_

DISCLAIMER: This is ridiculous. Why even bother? You KNOW I don't own Naruto, SO STOP RUBBING IT IN!

_**x**_

"Talking in English" and 'Thinking in English'

"_Talking in Japanese_" and '_Thinking in Japanese_'

_**x**_

Neji didn't need his Byakugan to tell that it was indeed, a cup. And a sake cup, none the less. He also didn't need his Byakugan to tell that his Hokage was an insufferable drunkard.

"Hokage-sama, um... it's a cup."

"Yes, I know that, Lee. But its a _magic_ cup."

"Oh, I see!"

No, he didn't.

Neji sighed, hearing Tenten do the same. They had been doing that for awhile now, sighing synonymously.

"Look, just touch it when I say so. This mission has only two parts: look for, and board, a red train in nine and three quarters."

Touch the cup and look for a red train in nine and three quarter segments? Tsunade-sama seemed to read the genin's blank, confused faces, and sigh. She looked as if she didn't get much sleep last night. Either that or she was drunk. Again.

"And the last thing?" Neji droned.

"And the last thing: find and protect Poteru Hari," as the genin's deflated out of unenthusiasm, she became a little more agitated and scoffed, "If Cell Eight can do it, I don't see why _you_ can't."

_**x**_

When Kiba asked her to use her Byakugan to search for a red train in nine and three quarter parts, she complied, it only made sense. If it was probably easy enough to see a train in a train station with normal vision, than it would be much easier to catch it using Byakugan. Because really, a red train cut in parts couldn't be that hard to find.

Shino had suggested that the 'nine and three quarters' could be a platform, but there was only a nine and a ten. The worst part was that they couldn't ask the conductor because he spoke some strange, foreign language. They could catch a few words, but other than that, it was useless.

"Byakugan!"

And after some time, to Hinata's great luck, surprise, and possible skill, she found a portal. It was composed of the strange chakra that clung inside and around some of the people walking in the station and in the alley they had just arrived from. Sometimes, young people carrying heavy loads would pass through it, letting her catch a short glimpse of a red train.

Tsunade-sama had, just that morning, sent them off on a new mission, against Kurenai-sensei's protests. They had just gotten back from a B ranker just a few hours before. It was long, exhausting, dangerous, and located in the heart of the Rock Country. They had all, mostly Kiba, almost died at least a dozen times.

And it was more than slightly out of character when the first thing that came to Hinata's mind was a more than slightly impolite "dammit!" Maybe she had spent so much time thinking _about_ Naruto that she had finally started thinking _like_ him too.

But despite their last exhausting (B Rank!) mission, Hokage-sama had sent them on their way, muttering something under her breath about angry Sand Nin, having them arrive to their destination, which involved nausea and a "_magic_ cup", the group of four had found themselves in the room of a pretty shady pub. There, a kind bartender lead them through a brick wall that reassembled itself into an entrance leading to a massive alley crowded with strange shops and people wearing long, black dresses.

Tsunade-sama had advised them to, when in the alley, search for a shop that was small, old, and looking as if a giant frog had accidentally landed on it.

That didn't take long.

When Cell Eight entered the store, it was indeed small, old, squashed... and Hinata could immediately tell from the old, gray haired owner's chakra flow that he was silently devastated at their sudden appearance.

After Kiba-kun finally chose a stick that didn't cause mass destruction, apparently the sticks that fit sang and produced holy light, Kurenai-sensei took her leave. She had another mission that needed to be carried out back home, so her students had to use the magic cup to transport to the train station on their own.

By now, they had discovered the strange chakra portal, and were standing before it in a stumped silence, until Akamaru barked what could have been a suggestion.

Hinata could only watch Kiba smile as a plan took form in his head.

_**x**_

On the way to King's Cross, Harry found himself surrounded by at least a fifteen foot radius of wizards, witches, Aurors, shinobi, and a dog. He had thought it annoying. "I mean," he protested, "I'm not incapable."

But his protests fell upon deaf ears that morning when they had set out on the ten minute walk with their luggage, owls, and various ninja weapons in tow. Even Snuffles came along, chasing cats and cars and marking his territory for Harry's amusement when given the chance.

And the first five minutes went relatively smoothly, with the pair of shinobi girls chattering with Sasuke (or more like chattering 'at' Sasuke... Sasuke wasn't chattering back), Naruto talking it up with Ron, Moody, Madeye and Tonks (who would change the color of her hair every thirty seconds to keep the blonde in amazed entertainment), and Hermione preaching house elf liberation.

"So, who are we looking for?"

The question had come out of nowhere, surprising Harry and causing him to jump a little. "Uh...what do you mean?"

"I mean, we're protecting you from someone, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"If we don't know what they look like, then couldn't anyone just walk up and stab you with a magic stick?" Naruto said, kindly finishing the statement with a demonstration by making distinct stabbing motions with his wand. Harry wondered why the demonstration was aimed in the general direction of his crotch.

"Naruto, its not like You Know Who is gonna just walk up to Harry and stab his crotch!" shouted Ron.

"Who?"

"You Know Who."

"Who's who?"

"You know, You Know Who!"

"No, I DONT know who!"

And the conversation continued. They strongly reminded Harry of angry screech owls.

"You guys didn't do any research before coming here?" Naruto shook his head, "Like on our cultures and enemies... and terms?" Naruto shook his head vigorously. "...AT ALL?"

"Well... no."

An exasperated sound escaped Ron's lungs like oxygen out of a hot air balloon and Naruto returned it with a grin. Now that Harry thought about it, Naruto always seemed to be smiling, unlike the other one, Sasuke. He hardly said three words since he arrived. Harry felt that someone needed to give him a good punch.

"Then, what's his name?"

"You Know Who, or He Who Must Not Be Named."

"And each word starts with an upper case letter, huh?"

"As a matter of fact, it does!"

"His name is Voldemort," said Harry finally, receiving various reactions that included: cringing, yelping, and yawning.

"Voldemort?" asked Naruto, oblivious to the effect it had on his hosts of wizard and witches.

"Stop saying it!" Ron yelped.

"Saying what? Voldemort?" the people around him began to grow noticeably irritated, and either Naruto really hadn't noticed, or he really didn't care.

The shinobi with dark hair pulled into a spiky pony walked up at that moment, advising Naruto to shut up. The other crossed his arms and pouted, but complied.

"But we need to know more of this... person." muttered the pony tailed shinobi. Harry noted how this particular one always seemed tired and, well, lazy. "You know, his strengths, weaknesses, background... why we cant say his name..."

"Yeah, but the point," interrupted Ron, "is that he's not gonna sack Harry right here, right now," he stopped to pointedly mutter a 'maybe' under his breath, "Look, we're almost there anyway. Do you really need to know now?"

The ninja seemed to feel the growing tension and awkwardness that the interrogation was stirring up, but didn't back down. "But Shikamaru's right," it was Sakura, the pink haired girl who's name Harry could remember now, "We need to know these things if we're protecting you."

Ron stole a glance at Harry, almost apologetically, and returned his gaze to the ground. Harry had been getting a lot of flak for the past few months, about him 'lying' about Voldomort's return, the ministry's propaganda, and how Dumbledore had ignored him during his court hearing the other day. Ron knew his best friend like he knew the tip of his wand... Harry really didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with the dark lord. He was also feeling pangs of guilt. He really didn't need to be jealous or angry at Ron, Ron wasn't doing it to spite him.

The subject was abruptly changed (thank god) when they reached King's Cross, with Snuffles barking excitingly. Harry just then realized that bringing Sirius to the train station where he could be recognized, reported and taken to Azkaban was extremely reckless.

"How do we get to your school anyway?" asked Naruto, interrupting Harry's thoughts.

"We go through the gate between platforms Nine and Ten to reach platform Nine and Three Quarters where we board the train that takes us to Hogwarts," replied Hermione, ever knowledgeable.

"Oh, I get it."

No, he didn't.

"So, where's the gate?" asked the blonde shinobi girl who's name Harry didn't know because she had been to busy chatting it up with Sasuke so had never bothered to introduce herself personally.

"Over there," Hermione said, pointing to the brick wall between platforms Nine and Ten.

The shinobi, all seven of them, craned their necks in that general direction.

"Hey! Isn't that Hinata?"

"And Kiba!"

"And Shino."

"What the hell is Kiba doing?"

"Shit! He's gonna-"

"GATSUGA!"

Harry almost dropped Hedwig, earning him an angry squawk, as he witnessed two identical boys dressed in heavy fur lined coats suddenly rise up off the ground spinning like human sized drill heads and aiming for the gate that took them to the magical platform.

"What the fuck! Kiba! Stop!"

Harry must have blinked. He must have blinked because that was the only logical explanation as for why he hadn't see Kakashi running up to the two boys before they hit the brick wall, grabbing them by their wrists, spinning them, and flinging them in opposite directions. Innocent muggle onlookers gaped in awe at the most unusual spectacle. But they weren't the only ones. It seemed like even the Auror escorts were dumbstruck.

Naruto, Sakura, the blonde she-ninja, and the rest of the shinobi, besides Sasuke, who stayed put, and Shikamaru, who yawned, ran over to Kakashi. No, ran wasn't the right word. They were leaping several feet at a time each stride, closing a 150 yard gap in mere seconds.

The wizards, witches, Aurors, and a dog stood staring, flabbergasted.

And flabbergasted, now that the author thinks about it, is a freakishly ridiculous sounding word. And, because of that, is never to be used again... EVER.

It was Snuffles who had reacted first, running over to the group of shinobi with a bark and a wag of his tail. Harry and the rest of the party followed shortly after words, but still far less quickly.

Naruto and Sakura were already conversing with the newly arrived ninja in their fast paced native tongue, looking extremely animated as Harry stopped just a few feet from them, breathing hard. Quidditch, even though a sport that Harry was fairly skilled in, wasn't exactly a sport that had to do with any... _real_ physical activity. Come to think of it, the only muscles ever exercised during a game where the ones he used to grip his broom stick.

It was when Shikamaru and Sasuke finally walked up did anyone take notice of the newly arrived witches and wizards.

"Oh, Harry! This is Hinata!" Naruto finally said, pointed to a pale blushing girl who's bangs, at the current angle of her head, covered the top of her face. Her hair was short, and stuck up in the back the same way Sasuke's did, only neater.

"And Kiba and Akamaru." Now the two wild looking twins from before. They were completely identical from their clothes, to their eyes, to the red triangles adorning their cheeks.

"And Shino. He's weird." The last boy was wearing a heavy winter coat that reached past his waist, and dark, round sunglasses. He may have been frowning slightly from Naruto's last comment, but Harry couldn't exactly tell. The collar of his coat covered everything under his nose. He kind of reminded Harry of a vampire.

One of the triangle cheeked boys, probably Kiba, said something to his twin in Japanese after the introduction that could have been a command. And to Harry's surprise, the other boy barked back. Not like an angry retort kind of bark, but an actual bark. Like a dog.

Harry once again found himself, and everyone else around him that weren't shinobi, shocked into silence when the barking twin 'popped,' dissipating into a cloud of white, fluffy smoke to become... a small white dog.

It was Snuffles, again, who recovered first, barking to the small, white dog, who barked back. They were having... a conversation.

"Okay," said Ron, "What the hell?"

Naruto, who had obviously completely forgotten about the boy he was hired to protect with his life while talking to the pale girl, spared Ron a curious glance. "You... don't have Henge no Jutsu either?"

"No. We Don't."

"Mou... then what do you guys have?"

"Well, we have a potion that does that!"

"Does it taste like chocolate?"

"No."

"Then it sucks."

Ron was ready to tear out his hair from frustration by now, but instead of flying into hysterical rage, picked up his luggage, and stormed through the gate in a huff.

"Na...Naruto..." stuttered the pale, dark haired girl. He turned his attention back towards her and they resumed the mostly one sided conversation with the girl trying to interrupt him but to no avail. She was quickly run down by a quick succession of Japanese words. Eventually, Harry caught his name in Naruto's frenzied speak, causing the girl to look him right in the face.

Harry was shocked (AGAIN) to see she was blind. Her irises were white and completely absent of pupils, yet when she had bowed politely, she did so in his immediate direction, he hadn't even uttered a single word to give away his location.

Harry, by now, was a little more than confused. But of course, you don't go blatantly asking people you had just met, "Hey, are you blind?" It just didn't work like that.

Hermione, thankfully, had reminded them of the time, and ushered everyone through the gate after assigning the newly arrived shinobi translation button pins. But instead of the random heart-felt pictures like on the pins Mrs. Weasley had produced, these had righteous pictures of house elf liberation.

"Akamaru, here's the train! But it's in one piece..."

"_Bark!"_

"Yeah, Shino was right. Nine and Three Quarters really _was_ a platform."

And to spare a whole lot of unnecessary detail and typing that the author really doesn't feel like doing at 12:39 at night, they boarded the train with Mrs. Weasley tearily kissing everyone goodbye. Even Shino and Sasuke.

Harry had the oddest feeling that he was missing something by then.

"Hey Hermione, where's Ron?"

Hermione seemed to cringe at the question, looking slightly guilty.

"Sorry Harry, but we're suppose to meet up in the Prefect car. You know... standard regulation."

Harry's mood immediately sank. He was going to be stuck in a train compartment with ten ninjas? Eleven including the dog? That also gave birth to two more questions. Why the hell was Ron a Prefect anyway? And for the second one:

"You do know," said Harry, "there are only six seats in a compartment?"

_**x**_

In Shikamaru's seating car, the only troublesomeness he could bring himself to complain about was the fact that they had to share it with Team Eight, who had one obnoxiously talkative person, and a dog.

His team had unconsciously fell into their Ino-Shika-Chou formation, Ino at the door, Shikamaru in the middle, and Chouji by the window crunching Olde English Style BBQ potato chips.

It was sort of a lucky, and unlucky, break for Shikamaru to sit across from Shino. He was quiet (lucky) but weird (UNLUCKY).

Chouji had unfortunately sat across from Kiba, who was the slightly obnoxious one, but at least none of his stories were boring. Ino had busied herself with talking to Hinata, who stuttered back an opinion every once in awhile. Her unnatural lack of response probably had something to do with her massive crush on Naruto, and seeing as how most of the conversation revolved around Sasuke, her retorts tended to lack depth.

Disgusted groans and the sudden 'crash!' of glass breaking assaulted Team Eight and Ten's ears, the strange noises emitting from their neighboring compartment, along with the distinct rubbing sound of chaffing, green spandex clad thighs, and the 'ping' of shinning teeth over Naruto and Sakura's outraged screams.

Shino and Shikamaru sighed.

'This is just... too troublesome.'

_**x**_

"_DYNAMURIC ENTURI!_"

A swirling green tornado of shining hair, 'ping!'ing teeth, and spandex catapulted through the window with a deafening crash.

"_Poteru Hari! We have come to protect your youth!_"

Neville, who had joined them in the train compartment awhile earlier, but was unfortunately sitting across from Harry nearest the window, had received a present from his uncle that summer. But it wasn't a normal present, like a miniature air plane or a train set or something else a normal English boy would appreciate, it was a _mimbulus mimbletonia_, a very rare, dilapidated pickle looking plant found in deserts. They have a very curious, if not devastating, defense mechanism. For example now, what does a _mimbulus mimbletonia_ do when showered with sharp glass while suddenly exposed to green spandex?

Harry and every passenger in the car, except Kakashi, found themselves covered in a foul, sticky mucus-like substance that smelled like sun baked donkey-ass and rancid meat pureed in a blender, fed to a cat, vomited back up, and coupled with faintest spritz of lavender.

"_Oh no! We must protect Poteru Hari's youth!_" cried a man with teeth blindingly white, shining bowl-cut hair, and massive eyebrows that resembled big, black, fuzzy caterpillars.

The car was filled with stinking goo and general panic as the two green spandex clad clones shouted loudly in Japanese as they spun in dramatic circles striking curious poses.

"_Youth!_" ...twirl.

"_There is nothing more spectacular than youth!_" ...spin.

"_But there is!_" ...jig.

"_Gasp!_" ...pose.

"_Youth and hard work!_" ...furious crotch thrusting followed by dramatic pose.

"_Oh, Gai-sensei!_"

"_Lee!_"

And they burst into tears, hugging, Stink Sap squishing between them like jelly between a giant, green sandwich.

Harry didn't think anything worse could happen at the moment, surrounded by crazed shinobi and covered in what could possibly could be the second most disgusting thing he have ever come in contact with (first being Draco Malfoy), but once again, Harry thought wrong.

Cho Chang had taken that moment to enter the train compartment. And why?

BECAUSE GOD HATES HARRY POTTER.

Harry stared at Cho, Cho stared at Harry. The only sounds penetrating the insufferably awkward silence was the dripping of stink sap, and the various noises emitting from the identical duo twirling in the center of the compartment. The Boy Who Lived spat out a mouthful of something undoubtedly foul just as Cho looked as if she wanted to speak.

She didn't. Instead, she opted to close the door silently and slowly.

Harry felt his heart drop into his stomach and dissolve in a pool of peptic acid the moment the door clicked shut. His hopes... his dreams... _gone_.

Naruto opened his mouth to drain out the slime, his eyes tearing up from the stench, Sasuke and Sakura blinked in shocked silence, and Kakashi turned a page, completely dry, and free of the green mucus.

'Why didn't HE get hit?' thought Harry furiously. He was beginning to grow an extremely passionate dislike towards ninja.

"_Rival I challenge you!_"

"_No_."

"_I challenge you to a challenge!_"

"_No_."

"_Youth!_" chorused the smaller clone.

"_No_."

And after much debate, (which involved swirling, twirling, crying, hugging... and some very visually unsettling poses) Kakashi finally said:

"_Fine_."

Queue victory dance.

"_I challenge you to a test of hygiene. The cleanest opponent is the victor," _monotoned the white haired shinobi while looking not the least bit enthusiastic.

Queue over reacted devastation.

"_I LOST!_" cried the larger one, who was covered in slime so had obviously... lost.

"_YES, YOU HAVE!_" cried the smaller, who was also covered in slime.

"_I MUST ROLL TO KONOHA... BACKWARDS!_" cried the larger.

"_YES, YOU MUST!_" cried the smaller.

And he was gone, leaving the same way he came, through the window in a shower of glass and serving up yet another mouthful of stink sap to everyone in range. Except Kakashi.

"_DYNAMURIC EXITU!_"

And for a moment, there was only the sound of stunned sputtering and the occasional cough in the tiny, moving train car, whose every each crack and crevice was filled with stinking green mucus. But the silence was short lived.

"What... IN THE FUCK... was that?" (Naruto)

"It tastes horrible!" (Sakura)

"I'm so sorry!" (Neville)

"It got in my PANTS!" (Naruto. Again)

"..." (Sasuke)

And just when Harry really thought it couldn't get any worse... it did.

CRASH!

"Kaiten!"

"Dammit Neville! PUT THE PLANT AWAY!"

And somewhere... up in Heaven... God was laughing.

_**x**_

Hey! I just got back from shopping in San Fransisco! Yaaay!

**Reviews equal Happiness.**

Type me up some happiness!

...please?

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	7. Form of Foreshadow

AN: WAAH, OMG! **Thank you so much for the reviews, compliments, and correction(s)! **I feel particularly glad to receive them, especially corrections, because I can then change them before someone else can see my stupid.

I really should have put this story under humor. Its just that I hadn't planned to make it funny, it was really supposed to be serious. Actually, all humor (that may have even caused hyperventilated laughter) is usually unintentional... except last chapter, and will probably only happen every once in awhile. Am I making sense? No. Probably not. **I'm also sorry to admit that this chapter doesn't contain nearly as much humor as the last one...**

Anyway, on to teams. If I could, I would put every Narutiverse ninja in Hogwarts! But sadly, I can't. So instead, I'm putting roughly fifteen or sixteen. Probably more. Not including the potential missing-nin and possible sannin who may (or may not) make appearances. And why I use YonDaime and not Yondaime? I know the latter is easier, but I saw the first on a Naruto official fansite, so decided to use it.

Now, **special thanks to **_**Morena Evensong, Carved Wolf of Emerald, CloudKat**_** and **_**bookworm51485**_** for your longer-than-normal, insightful reviews!** They seriously make my day, and it doesn't even have to be flattery, (like bookworm51485's review for example). Just knowing that you took the time to read my fic and tell me what you think in a review (no matter the length) makes me feel all happy inside.

**And pairings? I've decided that there will be none.** (way before the suggestions, just so you know, though I was glad to get them) I'm really bad at romance anyway, especially since I really don't want this fic to focus all on pairings. Most likely just a subtle mix of het and shounen-ai, certainly not enough for anyone else to notice either one... except me, since they're there mostly for my own amusement.

_**x**_

"Orochimaru-sama, the Four Sound have returned."

"Empty handed I presume, Kabuto."

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama, but not entirely. Even though it's too late for the transfer... Uchiha Sasuke-kun... we do know his whereabouts."

"Is that so? Ready the replacement transfer and send in the Four. And Kabuto?"

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama."

"Where exactly is Uchiha Sasuke-kun?"

"You would be unpleasantly surprised."

"Try me."

_**x**_

"Hogwarts."

"Hog...what? Where the hell is that?"

"I dunno. Some other dimension or something. The owl gave me the scroll."

"What did it say?"

"Just some old guy who knew Otou-sama requesting a year-long mission. And it looks like Konohagakure's Hokage was killing off the birds before they got this far, that last one even had a kunai stuck in it. Shit! I can see why... The jiji's offering is damn impressive."

"Huh."

"And... a sake cup. I wonder what for?"

"Should we ready the preparations, then?"

"Yeah."

"I'll inform Gaara."

_**x**_

"So, what's happening now, Hinata?"

"Gai-sensei is leaving... he went through the window and everyone got sprayed again."

"Oi! Look out the window, there he is! Why is he rolling? Backwards?"

"What was that sound?"

"Lee-san's crying, and Neji-niisan and Tenten-san just came through the window. He just activated Kaiten to repel the slime. Tenten-san has the boy with the plant in a headlock. She has a kunai... Neji-niisan can see us. Wave 'hello', everyone."

"And how about now?"

"A red haired girl came in. Tenten threw a kunai past her head. The other girl's taking out her stick."

"Damn."

"Duck, Shikamaru."

"Shit!"

"Get down, Shikamaru!"

"...how troublesome."

_**x**_

Naruto had thought it especially hilarious and entertaining (in a destructive, traumatizing kind of way) when Team Five arrived. First it was Gejimayu and Gejimayu-sensei spinning and posing dramatically, followed by Neji, Tenten, and a whole lot of annoying dialogue.

The only sane members of Team Five had crashed through the window last with the Hyuuga prodigy Kaitening away the inevitable spray of slime and Tenten almost killing Neville and Ron's sister, who had put up one hell of a fight. She had launched a specialized chakra blast, or a hex, which Neji immediately repelled, sending it flying through the wall into Teams Eight and Ten's train compartment. Shikamaru would have had his head blown off if it weren't for Ino and Chouji who pulled him away just in time.

And it was after Ron's little sister fully understood the completely understandable misunderstanding, thanks to Harry, did Ron and Hermione finally decide to show up with Hermione successfully banishing the icky green plant excrement. The bushy haired girl also provided the newly arrived genin with translation button pins, which again, featured pictures of house elf liberation. Naruto didn't even know what the hell a 'house elf' was, how in the world was he going to 'set it free from the lead shackles of oppression?'

Hermione vaguely reminded Naruto of some sort of horribly pushy dictator after she had practically threatened them a stick-point, as opposed to gun-point (compliments of Naruto's humor), to don those horribly unfashionable, uncomfortable, and extremely ridiculous black dresses. She had even went so far as saying their forehead protectors went against 'standard uniform regulation.'

Naruto was totally and completely convinced that he would look much, _much_ better in his blinding bright orange ninja uniform, and he voiced his opinion, _loudly_. She had rejected such protesting, and when he had asked her what the hell was wrong with what he was wearing, she had answered: "What the hell is right with it?"

And after a brief shouting match debating the importance of how forehead protectors and the color orange personified his individuality, (cut short due to a Transportation Circle attack), Naruto, the rest of the shinobi, and the notorious trio of wizard hosts were off, with Ron and Hermione leading a large group of short, wide eyed kids away and out of sight. This had left Harry with the thirteen ninja; staring off in the direction his friends had disappeared until he made his way into a larger group of older witches and wizards taking a forest path.

Naruto felt sort of bad for him, even he had sensed the light animosity growing between the shinobi and the boy they were supposed to protect. But maybe animosity was a strong word. 'Well, either way,' thought Naruto, 'There's no reason to not make new friends.'

"Hey, Harry!" grinned the blonde, bouncing ahead of his companions and up to the other boy, "Where are we going?"

Naruto saw him jump in surprise, (he does that a lot), and say, "Oh, Naruto. We... ah... we're going this way. But you guys still need to be sorted, so I'm pretty sure you were suppose to leave with Ron and Hermione."

"Oh," Naruto replied "What's sorting?"

"Its when you're put in houses that fit your character. After you get sorted, your house is like your family, you eat with them, sleep with them, and take classes with them."

The fuck? Sleep with them? What kind of 'sleep with them' was he talking about? Naruto pushed the distressful image of himself and Sasuke sharing a bed, and instead asked "So, everyone is the same?"

"Well, kinda..."

"That's a weird way to promote team work," Harry, in turn, gave him a questioning look. "In our village, you're split into teams with genin's who are completely different from each other so that way we all have strengths that pick up on each other's weaknesses... or at least, that's what Kakashi-sensei told me."

"Ah, yes. Wise, wise words, Naruto!" the white haired shinobi voiced happily, effectively scaring Harry, again, "Nice to know you learned something from me."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and chuckled lightly, reveling in the praise. But his short lapse in attention caused him to bump into Harry, who had stopped walking abruptly, coming to the end of the forest path and up to what could only be described as a big, wide road. But it wasn't the road that caused Naruto to gape in awe.

"Whoa! What the hell are those things?"

Apparently, he wasn't the only one. The collective group of genin, chuunin, jounin, and Harry stared in complete silence when they laid eyes upon the strange winged creatures harnessed to huge, purple carriages. They were the size of a large horse, and would have vaguely resembled one more, if they didn't look as if said horse had infused with the bastard child of a dragon, skeleton, and a bat.

"Harry, Harry! What are they?" Naruto asked again, but more urgently. Harry just shook his head. The look on his face was just as clueless as their's.

"They were never there before" said Harry. Naruto just stared until someone pushed him from behind. It was Sasuke.

"Well, get in." urged the Uchiha crossly, referring to the purple carriages. Once again, Naruto's face was blank with confusion, but then broke out into a large grin. Sasuke in turn, scowled lightly.

"So, you're talking now, Sasuke?" he laughed, "Geez, some dudes have sticks up their asses... but you? You grow trees."

"Shut up and get in the carriage, dobe!"

"Alright, alright!" Naruto cried as he jumped into said carriage, followed by Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, Team's Eight, Ten, Five and Harry. The carriage was ...freakishly large, and didn't take long before it was filled with the chatter of various languages; both Japanese, English, and dog.

During the ride, Naruto had tried his hardest to strike up a conversation with the dazed Harry, along with Kiba, Sakura-chan, Ino, Lee, Chouji, and Hinata (who wasn't much help, seeing as she wasn't much of a conversationalist to began with). But their efforts were soon to be proved futile, the lone wizard just wasn't up for it. He would repeatedly trail off thoughtfully in the middle of sentences, staring out the window, with Naruto giving up after multiple attempts and allowing the carriage to fall into a restless silence, until Neji (uncharacteristically) spoke up.

"They're quite fascinating, neh?" said the boy, who at the time was staring at the wall just behind Harry's head.

"They are, Neji-niisan." replied Hinata, who's eyes were closed at the moment.

Naruto watched as Harry, in a very impolite way, tore his gaze away from the window to fix it on Hinata and Neji, unblinking and confused.

"What's fascinating?" he asked after a lengthy period of staring.

"The animals pulling our carriage..." replied Neji apprehensively, who then, after some time, added, "And I'm sorry," in a cold, irritated tone that only he and Sasuke could pull off successfully, "but may I ask you to look elsewhere? Your staring is disturbing and unsettling."

"You... you can... _see_ me?" gaped Harry, who had probably also noticed that Neji wasn't even looking in his general direction at the time of his request, "How can you _see_ anything?"

"With my _eyes_?"

"But, aren't you _blind_?"

"Do I look _blind_?"

"_Yes_!"

And then there was silence, with an indignant Neji and a slightly fuming Harry glaring at each other from opposite sides of the carriage.

But the awkwardness of the situation would come to an end as soon as the large carrier slowed to a clean stop, signaling their arrival. With this, everyone jumped out of the vehicle, (Harry with a sudden burst of enthusiasm) and joined a growing crowd of students varying in height at the front of two massive oak doors. Naruto was awed, again. They left him nostalgic of the doors that lead in and out of his home town.

The collective group of shinobi all stole one last glance at the strange, winged creatures that had granted them transportation before following Harry to the doors with the rest of the students. The teams had unconsciously fallen in step with their team mates with Kakashi-sensei leading the way, but still moving in a unit of thirteen people behind Harry. They were there to protect him, after all.

It wasn't long before the gigantic doors began to creak open, and Naruto watched as little by little, the view behind them began to broaden, the now silent crowd of countless students filing inside.

Amazement. That was definitely the word. Naruto was overcome with one of the strongest sensations of amazement that he had experienced upon arriving to the foreign dimension as soon as he walked through those doors and into an enormous, lavish hall. It was lined with four long, _long_ tables, each supporting it's own color scheme, that were quickly starting to become occupied with chatty witches and wizards. But it was the ceiling that grabbed the most attention.

The ceiling was a perfect replication of the sparkling night sky, accented by the hundreds of brightly burning candles floating above them. Naruto and the rest of the shinobi were enchanted, if only for a moment.

"First years! First years and new comers!"

The Konoha ninja, who were ready to follow Harry to the table he was (quickly) retreating towards, stopped in their tracks. It was a tall, thin woman with a demeanor that all but demanded attention. Like Tsunade-bachan when she was angry, except colder.

"This way please!" she called, and they complied, joining in with a fairly large group of short, wide eyed witches and wizards. Naruto was safe to think that he and his companions looked strangely out of place, even though dressed in the foreign garb of black robes. Their hair, eyes, height, and general attitudes just _may_ have been the reason why.

"For the sake of those who may have missed my first explanation," said the woman, her voice sounding chipped with a subtle kind of agitation as she pointedly gave the shinobi a look that was, in response, pointedly ignored, "I will spare another."

Naruto gave his team members a look of confusion. Wait, who had missed the first explanation?

"You are standing before the Sorting Hat," she said, gesturing to an unsightly rag resting upon a wooden stool, gray and dejected, its many frays draped down towards the floor in a way that no matter what way Naruto looked at it, the word 'hat' just didn't come to mind. "And when I call your name, you will come up, sit on the stool where I place the hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your respectable houses." She then turned away from the large group of new, unsorted students and their sorted audience sitting at the long tables, to unravel a fairly long scroll.

"Oi! Ooooi!" and who else could it be? "Then what happens?" someone could be seen jumping up and down excitingly, a bright blonde head bobbing comically in the middle of the crowd, along with a raised hand waving frantically. The company surrounding him, in response, cringed in unison and edged carefully away.

The thin, snippity woman only stared in shock for awhile, before adding, "Then you are to sit at your new house table."

"How can it tell?" asked... who else? Naruto had fired yet another question, successfully shooting all expectancy straight to hell. His hand was still raised as he took no note of the stares he was receiving.

"Well," snapped the woman, "if you are so curious as to why, then you will go first!"

Naruto broke into an grin as he jumped into the air, his cheer echoing back to him in the hall that was so silent it may as well have been empty. But as soon as his toes hit the ground, something freakishly unusual happened.

A particularity large rip in the hat split open widely, forming a mouth as it spontaneously broke into song.

The giant hall listened patiently as the hat spoke of the relationship between the founders of Hogwarts, the need for unity and unforeseen dangers of the future (all of which Naruto, or any of the other shinobi for that matter, hadn't understood). But the really amazing thing about it, was that the whole thing rhymed. And when it was finished, the entire audience broke out in frenzied applause, much to Naruto's surprise. He had found the little show entertaining and amusing at most, but it didn't deserve that much.

"Naruto Uzumaki!" the mentioned boy's head snapped to attention, falling upon the woman from before. Why was she calling his name? How did she even know his name? "Well, come on then!"

Naruto felt his legs began to move, picking through the crowd and to the stage with the stool that the singing hat had sat.

"Now sit."

And he did, immediately feeling something soft and dusty fall on top his head and over his eyes with a little more force than necessary. Now what?

'_Ah, a ninja?_' said a cool voice that could have originated either right beside his left ear, or deep in the subconscious of his mind, and because of the suddenness and pure weirdness of a hat talking to him through telekinesis, Naruto could do nothing but panic.

"WAAH! It's talking to me! IN MY _BRAIN_!"

His outburst was met with a ripple of laughter from throughout the hall, much to Naruto's dismay. Why were they wasting their time chuckling when they could be helping him? He moved to rip the piece of clothing off, (because really, what crazy, sick person would create a Mind Reading Hat No Jutsu? ...Besides Orochimaru, which did absolutely nothing to make the blonde haired genin feel anymore comfortable with the damned thing on his head), but stopped when it addressed to him again.

'_Settle down now, settle down_,' chuckled the invisible voice from nowhere, '_I'm not here to hurt you, or tell of your... secret_.'

Secret? It took Naruto a moment to digest the meaning behind those words. Then it hit him like a punch in the gut... with his heart stopping for one, painful moment.

And as a wide grin split his face on the outside, he deflated in dread on the inside.

"Heh, what are you talking about?" he whispered quickly. "I don't have any secrets!" ...How did he know that?

'_You have something terrible inside of you,_' stated the hat simply. '_Its bitter, its angry, and its waiting to be freed. And because of that, sorting you becomes especially difficult_.' Naruto brought a hand up to his belly instinctively, his smile cracking and falling away with every word whispered in his ear until it fell away completely. '_I'm not sure which mind to focus on, the vicious one, although you may not notice, interferes quite a lot. Now that I see it, it's really quite tragic, this vicious mind that stays with you always. I see you're afraid of the possibility of it taking over, and for good reason. Ah, it's talking to me, you know. It's saying that-_'

"Stop it!" snapped Naruto suddenly, cutting off the wretched hat and earning startled looks from the audience. His voice had been desperate, and now his breath was beginning to come in shaky gasps. "Just... stop."

"_I'm sorry, I got carried away. It's not often I get such an interesting mind... and a shinobi no less_. _But... you are strong, brave, and generally happy... despite the dark memories you suppress. I've decided that you only belong in one house._'

"Really?"

"**Gryffindor**!"

This time, the hall erupted with cheering and applause, mostly from one table, and he guessed that's where he had to go. Naruto gingerly made his way over, finding a seat beside Harry and Ron, trying to mend his broken smile all the while. Before he sat down, he threw a cautious glance over to his team mates and companions, who in turn were giving him various looks of confusion and concern.

Naruto hoped, as he finally took a seat beside Ron, that he could trust the hat with what may as well be his life.

_**x**_

Sasuke watched as Naruto carefully lifted himself off the stool and walk towards the cheering table with a smile that, despite the broadness, looked particularly dull and lifeless. The Uchiha boy was secretly wondering what could have happened to shatter the unbreakable smile Naruto wore, but he wasn't able to for long.

"Sasuke Uchiha!"

What, were they just going to call up all the shinobi one by one now?

It took Sasuke a fair amount of inconspicuous pushing and glaring to get his way to the stool, seeing as how everyone in his way seemed too nervous to take note of his presence. He should have just katon goukakyuu-ed a path through the little bastards, it would have been simpler, faster, and less irritating.

And he sat, with the hat immediately landing on his head and covering his eyes.

'_Oh ho! You're quite the dark one._'

The hand that Sasuke lifted to straighten the cloth covering his face stopped in mid air. What the fuck? But surprise became revelation and he realized that it must have been a mind reading hat. But... what had it saw in Naruto to cause the boy to look so... devastated?

'_That last boy, he was your friend, eh? Your best friend in fact, but now that I see it... just about your only friend,_' the hat chuckled as Sasuke felt a rather unpleasant stir somewhere in his stomach region, '_That's... unfortunate for him, isn't it? You know, I had no idea that looking into his mind would cause such a... grievance._'

"What did you do to Naruto?" asked Sasuke softly.

'_What __**I've**__ done to him isn't important at the moment... but what __**you're**__ planning to do to him is._'

Planning? It took Sasuke a moment to digest the meaning behind those words. Then it hit him like a punch in the gut... with his heart stopping for one, painful moment.

The scowl that he wore faded into a blank stare, he found his eyes drifting to his blonde teammate, but closed them before they could get far. What was the hat talking about?

'_And you're just as difficult to sort as he was_,' continued the telepathic article of clothing, '_And just like him, you have the potential to be something great. But, unlike him, your ambitions are leading you to a path that will destroy yourself and what little precious things you hold dear_.'

"What are you talking about, hat-teme?" bit out Sasuke. By this point, his practiced and perfected scowl, which had found itself on his face once more, deepened into something furiously dark. "You have no right to lecture me."

_That may be the case, young man, but it can't be helped now that I see your intentions for just about the only friend that you've ever had._'

Sasuke growled. He had had _enough_. His hand unconsciously began to inch behind his back to finger the opening flap of his concealed kunai pouch. The hat simply knew too much, and therefore had to be terminated. But the hat, upon sensing it's own attempted murder, muttered a few last words:

'_This hatred and bitterness shouldn't stain you like this, young man. You are very much like your friend, but in a different way. The path you decide to choose is obviously the one you were destined to take, but no one should have to choose a path that leads to their own destruction._'

Sasuke's long, pale fingers curled around a kunai just as the hat bellowed out his house name.

The Uchiha boy's feral snarl was drowned out by the Slytherin table's weak cheering, and the hat was pulled off his head, jumping off the stool as if it were burning him. He made his way over to a deserted part of the table with his robes billowing behind him. He ignored the hard look from his sensei, and the concerned stares from the collective of shinobi as he took a seat in a less populated part of the table. He hadn't even bothered to acknowledge the other members of his new house, choosing to face forward, fold his arms in front his face, and emit a fierce killing intent instead.

And Sasuke was ashamed to admit, as he sat in a bitter silence, that for every venomous glance towards Naruto he managed to steal, a silent wound opened up inside.

_**x**_

Sakura watched with a pained expression as Sasuke stalked to his table, a kunai gripped in his fist and radiating ferocious killing intent.

At first, it had been Naruto, who looked sick as his grin contorted into a sort of aggrieved scowl just after a few moments of wearing the hat. For all the times she had worked with him, whether on missions, lunch outings, or trips to the hospital (which were more frequent than one would think), she had never seen Naruto look so... devastated. Sakura could honestly say she preferred his annoyingly cheerful smile.

But on Sasuke's turn, he looked nothing short of livid. And when it was over, after the hat was pulled from his head hastily, he left in a cold tantrum.

"Sakura Haruno!"

The pink haired kunoichi gave what she hoped was a barely noticeable jump as her name was called out suddenly. 'What, are we going by teams?' she thought, holding her head up proudly as she walked to the stool. Sakura had felt the sudden need to hold her shinobi pride on her shoulders in the midst of these foreigners.

And she sat, the soft brown hat falling atop her head, its dusty frays falling into her eyes. She had brought up a hand to move them.

'_My, what an orderly subconscious you have here, young lady. At least, compared to the last two_.'

Sakura blinked. Ah, it was a hat that broke into the mind to determine what house sought one the best.

'_And a sharp one, too._'

'Thank you, hat-san.' thought Sakura politely, 'But what did you mean by... "an orderly subconscious?"'

'_I just meant that you are psychologically cleaner then the last two... much more. And just as they were, you are quite difficult to sort. You also have a kind of dual personality_.'

'Ah.' thought Sakura, 'What made them so mentally disorderly, hat-san?'

'_Oh, memories mostly. I promised not to tell which ones exactly_.'

'I can understand.'

'_Yes_,' agreed the hat, '_you are very understanding indeed. Quite loyal, definitely smart... extremely so, in fact. Very much like your friends when it comes to potential... plenty of it... you hold traits of most of the houses, but I've decided you belong in only one._'

"And which one would that be?"

"**Ravenclaw!**"

Sakura beamed brightly as her new table cheered heartily, which was, much to her delight, right beside Sasuke's. She moved off the stool to the back, choosing a seat that allowed her to almost sit beside the forlorn Uchiha boy. The pink haired kunoichi felt it the least she could do to bring him out of his brooding.

And as she sat, Sakura couldn't help but notice that her cell had been separated into completely different houses. She really had been hoping that they all could be together in one ever since Harry-san had explained what a house generally was. 'I mean, we are a team, after all,' she thought.

Not that she hadn't been expecting it. She had the strangest feeling that this could be an event foretelling the fate of Team Seven... maybe they just weren't meant to stay together... or worst... Sasuke just wasn't meant to stay with her... and for some horrible reason, she was remembering the day they had left to the wizarding world. Kakashi had found her sitting patiently on a bench along the only path that lead out of Konohagakura, and to be honest, at that time she wasn't even sure what she was waiting for.

Sakura gratefully pushed the troubling thoughts aside as she focused her attention on the stage, where the next shinobi was to be sorted.

_**x**_

School starts in a little more than a week... is anyone else depressed?

I am.

I'd feel better if you reviewed. Seriously. It makes me sad that about half the people author alerting and a fourth of the people faving didn't review... (sobs) But... as of this second... **I have exactly **_**6,000**_** page views! **Whooo!

**Also, go to wikipedia and search either Jiraiya, Tsunade, or Orochimaru (after you review). You'll be surprised, if you don't already know, of course.**


	8. An Adventure In Itself

**AN**: On one hand, I'm happy as all Hell for the reviews, suggestions, compliments, light criticism, and 'update soons' (which I did for those of us starting school tomorrow), but on the other hand... I got less for last chapter then I got for chapter six! (TT-TT) Wah! I shouldn't have made the last one so angsty, but I had to! This chapter doesn't have much (or more like ANY) humor either. Its all story and character development... AAGH DONT HURT ME! Its actually not a very eventful chapter... it may even be downright boring... but I had fun writing it and thats all that matters.

Also, the way I sorted the teams up may create some people to think 'WHAT THE FUCK?' and stop reading and reviewing, but it makes sense to me. And for future reference, I know Hufflepuff can be useful sorting wise, but I just don't _like_ that house. Yeah, I know, if there was such a thing as 'housist' I would be.

**And in the last seven chapters, I forgot to tell you all that if you have any questions that you would like me to reply personally, then please, tell me specifically in a review, or I'll just end up answering them in bulk in an AN.**

**OMFG SUDDEN EDIT: **I forgot to add my special thanks! So thank you to Morena Evensong (again), Christine (again), Yuume Li, Merkitten, CoughHackChokeDie, and RetaroO (who I found out lives 15 minutes from me! Awesome!)! And to all my other reviewers! You guys all made me update a few days earlier. Seriously.

(1) Direct quote from the book. Yeah, lazy. I had to crank this out before school started, okay? Don't expect a speedy update either.

(2) Omake: Bonus feature. Ive decided to put one at the end of every chapter.

_**x**_

Shikamaru wasn't a impatient person, honestly, he could pretty much wait for anything no matter how long it took as long as he had the sky to gaze at.

But quite frankly, this sorting was taking an _awfully_ long time.

Ino had just been sorted, looking slightly unnerved not unlike the others before her. Most of the shinobi after being sorted had either jumped off the stool quickly to meet their new table, or slowly got up to sit in a brooding silence. Ino had done the first. As she took her seat, the chuunin in the audience expelled the breath he didn't know he was holding. He was seeing a repeating pattern in the shinobi sorting... a very troublesome pattern.

Shikamaru, along side Kakashi, was the only ninja left standing in the crowd, his comrades going before him to sit at their new tables. It had first been Naruto (compliments of his huge, obnoxious mouth), then Sasuke, then Sakura... Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Lee, Neji, Tenten, Chouji and finally Ino. And of course, Shikamaru remembered the order of the sorting. Not only was he intellectually capable of doing so, but they had gone in order of teams, making it easy to recall.

"Shikamaru Nara!"

And now it was his turn.

The chuunin gave Kakashi a lasting look before lazily sauntering through the crowd over to the stage that held the stool and the singing hat. He had to admit though, he was at least a little curious as to how the hat choose which house one belonged in. He was sure it had something to do with telekinesis, he saw, on more than one occasion, the shinobi's lips moving, as if conversing with the damned thing.

But no matter what it was, he was sure it would prove to be quite troublesome.

Shikamaru sat. The hat was placed on his head, (with a little difficulty due to his very stylish pony tail), and he waited.

_'My, my!'_ chuckled a voice deep in the back of his subconscious,_ 'Such a mind!"_ Shikamaru smirked. Telekinesis it was then. _'You are quite the sharp one, I see.'_

'Why thank you, hat,' thought Shikamaru. 'And who would have thought your talents were only limited to singing?'

_'Oh no, the pleasure is all mine, young man.'_ replied the hat, _'It's not often I get to peer into the mind of such natural genius. Ah...a strategist, eh? Shinobi truly are magnificent, a real delight. Quite a nice change from the usual wizard.'_

'Interesting,' thought Shikamaru.

_'And it seems that you are just as doubtful of your abilities as a strategist as you are confident of them,'_ Shikamaru raised a thin eye brow at the comment, _'You also have an arrogance that is perfectly balanced by your self-consciousness.' _

Shikamaru felt himself prick in irritation. Was this why all the other shinobi looked so bothered after the sorting? Because the over enthusiast of a hat wouldn't stop babbling about character flaws? How troublesome.

'Look, hat, I came here for business. Seeing as how you were the one to create it, you must see the pattern that my comrades have been forming. No one has been sorted into the yellow house. If you can really see my intentions, then you know why this needs to change.'

_'Yes, yes,'_ it said, _'I do see, but I cannot sort you into Hufflepuff, young man. You simply just don't hold the traits necessary. You of all people... if it were anyone else to request it, then maybe. But not you. You are extremely clever, loyal, and a great leader despite your doubts, albeit lazy. You definitely only belong in one house, and my mind cannot be changed. Please pardon the troublesomeness.'_

Shikamaru scoffed just as the hat cried "Ravenclaw!" He then walked over to his new table, slowly of course, and sat down in the back with the rest of the shinobi clustered there.

Sakura greeted him with a warm smile, Hinata gave him a little bow, and Tenten sent him a nod of acknowledgment.

Girls _again_?

Dammit.

Shikamaru sighed. Putting that _other_ problem aside, he was (barely) ashamed to admit that he had been the mission's last hope when it came to the task of expanding their perspective of the school. He had planned for everyone to be scattered around EACH of the houses, not just three. Now, no one was in Hufflepuff, and they were thoroughly screwed when it came to collecting information.

Shikamaru sighed again.

It seemed as if no one else had took notice of the rather troublesome situation and instead looked hopelessly dazed. Even Naruto, who was usually bright and smiling no matter the situation, was quiet and actually... dare he think... reserved?

But even Shikamaru had to admit that a mind reading hat that pointed out the flaws that one would rather leave untouched was unsettling. Personally, the chuunin wasn't as messed up as say, Neji or Sasuke, so he obviously couldn't imagine what they were going through at the moment. The two mentioned boys, in fact, were sitting side by side, angsting together in a hostile silence at the Slytherin table.

Shikamaru would think it troublesome if he wasn't forced to turn his attention elsewhere. The last first year had been sorted and an elderly man sitting at what he thought to be the teachers table, located in the far side of the great hall, had just called for their attention. He looked, to be blunt, eccentric. Extremely so, in fact. He was dressed in purple robes bright enough to rival Naruto's orange outfit, half moon spectacles, a very tall, pointy hat, and gave off a strange aura. The man didn't stick out like a sore thumb, he stuck out like a genetically altered nose sprouting out the back of someone's hand. Not that the other teachers were too normal themselves.

As soon as he stood, raising his arms to perform a gesture, the hall immediately fell into such an intense silence that one could drop a senbon and actually hear it. And senbon were damn hard to hear.

"To our newcomers," said the man in a ringing voice and a smile on his face, "welcome! To our old hands, welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!" (1)

The hall erupted with laughter as the shinobi looked confused. But before Shikamaru could think 'Tuck into what?', his table suddenly exploded with an unbelievable amount of food that appeared out of nowhere. There had been no warning, for neither the shinobi nor the wizards.

Kiba, who was sitting at the Gryffindor table, let out a girlish squeak. Neji and Sasuke both back flipped ten feet in the air, over the Ravenclaw table, and onto the horrified Hufflepuff table, knocking plates and tea cups and chicken and people to the ground. Tenten defensively surrounded herself with about twelve different weapons of various size and deadliness. Chouji was one pudding cup away from an orgasm. Shikamaru raised an eye brow. All talk screeched to a halt and the hall was smothered in a pregnant pause.

Troublesome? Yeah. Maybe a little.

_**x**_

Naruto blinked and then saw food. Lots of food. He blinked again and saw Sasuke and Neji standing on the yellow table in battle ready mode. He also saw Tenten covered in pointy weapons, and Shikamaru raise an eye brow. Not only that, but Harry became noticeably paler.

He couldn't blame them, though. It came as a surprise. The food really did come out of nowhere, and in a sudden flare of immense chakra that startled the shinobi into taking defensive actions. But as soon as the initial shock dissipated, the baffled silence covering the hall was ripped off with enough force to lay waste to a lesser nation.

"YES NEJI!" cried an excited Lee, "EXPLODING WITH YOUTH!"

"Sasuke-kun! Get down!"

"Ack! Tenten! Put those away!"

"Chouji? CHOUJI! Chew first, dammit!"

And how would Shikamaru put it? ...Troublesome? Yeah. Maybe a little.

_**x**_

Sasuke didn't know why, but upon seeing a flash of silver and feeling a sudden surge of chakra; he was standing on a table that wasn't his own.

Huh. Curious.

And with Sakura's order, he put the kunai away and leaped off the yellow table, along with Neji, with enough grace to regain about a third of the dignity they had just lost. Really, had they just displayed such a reaction to magical food? Bah.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tenten un-summon her many weapons, Lee try to smack the barbecue out of Chouji's windpipe, Kiba attempt to preserve his manliness, and a certain familiar blonde wizard from the Slytherin table give him a incredulous look. He chose to ignore his noticings and join Neji in taking a seat amongst the almost deafening wave of excited and confused chatter coming from the students and, who Sasuke suspected to be, the teachers.

The especially eccentric man from before, with the bright, sparkly, purple robes and half-moon spectacles, stood up. He rose his arms up once again and the room reluctantly fell quiet.

"I was going to wait to introduce our new, foreign exchange students, but it seems they have left me no choice in the matter," he said this sentence with a annoyingly bright twinkle in his eye which would have been malice if said by anyone else.

"Please welcome our new students and treat them as you would treat your own," he smiled a little broader before saying, "I would like to introduce: Naruto Uzumaki, Kiba Inuzuka, Rock Lee, and Chouji Akimichi at the Gryffindor table." The shinobi in turn, stood up, Naruto waving and Lee crying "YOSH!"

"Also Sakura Haruno, Hinata Hyuuga, Tenten, and Shikamaru Nara at the Ravenclaw table." All of the girls stood up, smiled, and either waved or bowed. Expect Shikamaru, who looked as if he was going to fall asleep in his mashed potatoes. Sasuke had to wonder if Tenten even had a surname.

"And last, but not least: Sasuke Uchiha, Shino Aburame, Neji Hyuuga, and Ino Yamanaka at the Slytherin table." The only person in the last little list of names to respond in any way was Ino, who stood up and giggled. About half a minute of excited chatter and necks craning to get a better look at the new students went by before the man spoke again.

"They have come from a far away land; where their Head Mistress so graciously allowed us to import a few of her unique and extremely talented students to our school. Please make them feel at home!"

With the final words, 'Tuck in,' which Sasuke didn't understand in the least, the man sat, and the collective sounds of forks and knives and spoons scraping plates filled the air.

Sasuke noticed how both himself and Neji eyed the food then stabbed it with a fork distastefully. It didn't exactly look or smell bad, just unfamiliar.

"Eating it?" asked the Hyuuga, skewering something with a butter knife.

"No. You?"

"Hokage-sama couldn't pay me nearly enough."

_**x**_

Harry had been laying on his back, slightly fuming in his room at five in the morning. He was listening to the sound of light rain hitting the window glass, the faint snores of Ron and Naruto, and the little voice nagging at the back of his head, telling him something was wrong.

He had a nightmare again. Snakes. A whole lot of snakes and shadows and blood, which was rarely seen in any of his dreams. He didn't wake with a start, like he usually did, but he did wake up with his scar pulsing in a throbbing pain.

After the feast, which wasn't quite eventful, save for the introduction of the shinobi and new Defense against the arts teacher. Said teacher was small toady, annoying, and sported a bright pink bow that didn't exactly highlight her large, bulbousy eyes in a positive light. She had given a speech, a long, boring speech with many big words that only Hermione had understood. It had resulted in waning attention spans and Naruto to even take off his translation button-pin at one point, claiming it was broken.

And as soon as dessert disappeared from the table tops, and the students were excused to their dormitories, Hermione and Ron left with the new Gryffindor first years and ninja, and introduced them to the castle, telling them of the rules, regulations, and dangers. The talking paintings had amazed them (Naruto and Lee constantly fell behind due to random conversations struck up with particularly interesting paintings), the moving staircases had startled them (Naruto and Lee falling more than a few times), and the Fat Lady portrait had annoyed them (insulting Naruto and Lee's pronunciation of the password, which was unfortunately _mimbulus mimbletonia_.)

They had then been shown around the common room, told the rules and regulations, again, and sent to bed. Classes would be starting the next day, so they needed a good night's sleep. But problems had arisen, so sleep would come at least an hour later then expected.

"Wait, Lee, you don't have a wand!"

"A what?"

"A stick! You came straight from the train so you don't have one!"

"I don't need sticks when I have YOUTH!" he screamed, proceeding to pump his fists in the air with much unneeded enthusiasm. The triangle cheeked boy, Kiba, promptly told him to 'shut his god damn youthful face.'

But Naruto was right, if the three newest ninja had no wands, then they couldn't attend classes. It was a problem. Not that Harry cared much, he still hadn't gotten over his growing dislike for the foreigners, so the less he got to see of them, the more of his sanity he was able to preserve.

The ninja had assessed the problem for twenty minutes more or so, with Hermione eventually and abruptly ending it by telling them to go to bed. They hadn't come to a single conclusion, and as they headed up to bed, the big one, Chouji, had muttered something about 'just asking Shikamaru.' Harry didn't see how that would help anything, and followed them up the stairs and into bed to sleep.

That's when The Boy Who Lived had woken up to a nightmare, and found himself reverie-ing the night away. He was convinced that he wouldn't be able to sleep for the remaining two hours until seven, the time he usually got up to get ready for classes, but that didn't mean he couldn't try anyway.

He had almost succeeded, his eyes had fluttered closed and was in a state of very light, calm slumber, but was pulled away by the barely audible sound of a creaky window opening, and the light rustle of blankets.

"Naruto," whispered a familiar voice. "Oi, dobe, wake up."

Naruto mumbled a sleepy retort that could have been a insult, followed by the rustling of more blankets and the blonde asking, "Sasuke? Did you have another nightmare?"

There was silence, more cloth rustling and the sound of springs creaking. Harry, in his half-asleep daze, found himself peering through a slit in his royal red tapestries, laying eyes on Sasuke sitting on the blonde boy's bed, fully dressed in his Slytherin robes. Harry could barely make them out, seeing as how he didn't wear his glasses to bed.

"Lets just go, we need to talk," said one of the figures on the bed, "But not here in english. People are listening."

The last thing Harry remembered before laying back down and retreating into a deep sleep was the sound of worn springs and a window opening and closing.

When he woke up at seven in the morning to Ron shaking him, he wondered about the events from last night over the emptiness of Naruto's bed, unable to sort his dreams from what could have been real.

_**x**_

Sasuke had nightmares whenever he sleep, regardless of the time of day. He would wake up every night at least once with a light scowl on his face until he dared to attempt slumber again. But last night's nightmare was especially gruesome, about snakes and shadows and blood. But no matter the nightmare, he would never wake up with a start, just slowly float to a reality that wasn't all too different from the demons that plagued his dreams.

He only had two particularly nasty dreams that had ever lead him to Naruto's one room apartment in the past, the first time only half awake, not fully aware of what was happening until he found himself standing in front of a familiar door. That time he had been tempted to turn around, but knocked anyway.

The second time he went on his own accord, willingly (in a reluctant sort of way) walking over to his blonde companion's apartment to sleep on a spare futon, just as he did the last time. They had never spoken of either events, both taking the momentary lapse of, what Sasuke thought, was weakness in silence.

But Sasuke had found himself beside the blonde's bedside again, not just for support, but also to ask the boy to train for the next two hours before classes started. The nightmare had almost totally abolished the waning resentment that had built up since the fight at the hospital, and not only that, he was beginning to feel stiff from three whole days absent of physical activity. He suspected Naruto did too. A ninja could only stay still for so long.

With a sleepy agreement, Naruto dressed quickly, shed the ridiculous sleeping cap, and jumped out the window, the Uchiha in tow. They both made a note to talk about private matters in only Japanese from then on, that boy, Harry Potter, had already heard too much for comfort.

"Wanna go explore first?" asked the blonde boy. They had taken to standing atop one of the towers closest to the window they had launched from, looking out at the pink and purple clouds smeared across the rain fresh sky, and the sun rising above the trees of an ominous looking forest.

"How about we check out the Forest of Death?" suggested Sasuke.

Naruto laughed, fully awake now, "You mean the Forbidden Forest?"

"Forbidden... Deadly... all the more reason to go."

Naruto laughed again, and Sasuke cracked a barely visible smile as a wave of relief washed over him.

They jumped from castle tower to castle tower, only accompanied by the smell of rain in their lungs and the early rays of the sun on their backs.

_**x**_

Sasuke-kun and Naruto had been late for breakfast. They had come just five minutes before the food disappeared from the tables, wet, rumpled, and (in Naruto's case) grinning.

"That forest is AMAZING!" ranted Naruto loudly as he and Sasuke sat down at the Gryffindor tables, grabbing food and pumpkin juice greedily and eating it as fast as they possibly good. Sakura joined them, excusing herself from the Ravenclaw table. She thought it a feat in itself the way Naruto could talk so loudly with his mouth so full. She also noticed that one of his fingers were bleeding.

"It's WAY bigger than the Forrest of Death, and the chakra feels so weird... you should go next time, Sakura-chan! Me and Sasuke killed something big and hairy... and we saw some tree sprites... and some trees attacked us... and this awesome lake... and I saw some unicorns!" his frenzied speak was cut off when the food suddenly disappeared. But that did nothing to ruin his mood. Instead, they both bid Sakura 'adieu' and got up to leave.

Sasuke nibbled on a scone and Naruto was talking through a mouthful of bacon as they walked, side by side, out the doors of the almost empty great hall and into the rain that had returned with a vengeance.

She smiled.

Maybe their team was going to be alright after all.

_**x**_

"I've managed to get some information on this school, Orochimaru-sama. Tsunade-sama was quite clever, sending him off to a place where you probably wouldn't be able to follow."

"The only thing I am reluctant to do when it comes to Sasuke-kun's body is die, Kabuto, and maybe not even that."

Kabuto, pushed up his glasses, a secret smile playing across his face. He clutched a small stack of papers in one hand, and a scroll in the other.

"It's true that knowledge of the school is uncommon, but not unheard of. If you dig deep enough, you're bound to hit water," said the young medic nin shuffled some of his papers before adding, "Hogwarts, apparently, is in another dimension very much similar to our own, it even overlaps slightly. The country our area overlaps with is called 'China,' in a place called 'The Macau Special Administrative Region' on a small peninsula. If you send the Four into a cave located just west of Yumeka Sumomo Port, then you will come out of another cave in 'Macau.'"

"Ah. Good job. Send the Four with directions to 'Hogwarts.' Make sure they know as much as they can about this new world. Oh... and Kabuto?"

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama?"

"Have them uncover as much as they can about these 'wizards.' I'm thinking its time for me to put my new arms to work."

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama."

_**x**_

_Forbidden Forest Omake Part One_

_**x**_

"Naruto, don't touch it."

"..."

"Naruto. I. Said. Don't. Touch. It!"

"But... its so _cute_!"

"I don't care what the hell it looks like. Haven't you ever heard of that saying 'Mother bear is never far from her cub?'"

Naruto rolled his eyes at the raven haired youth, and proceeded to tickle the fuzzy black creature he was crouched in front of.

"I'm sure its not a bear."

"Narutooo..."

"Stop worrying over something so cute and OH DEAR _GOD_ IT BIT ME!"

"...do you hear that?"

"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET-!"

"Run Naruto."

"-IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

"Run Naruto!"

Something broke into the clearing, knocking trees aside as if they were twigs, and both boys ran, fearing for their lives, from a creature as unholy as Satan himself. It was black and hairy, so much so that it's eyes couldn't be seen. Not that you would be able to anyway, the enormous mouth lined with huge, jagged teeth that seemed to split the onion shaped creature in two would serve as too much of a distraction anyway. Each step it took towards them caused the ground to shake and its fur to ripple in the darkness of the forest.

"It's like Sasquatch and Pac-man fused together to create SAC-MAN!"

Sac-man gave a deafening roar as Naruto Kage Bushin-ed all over the place, scattering among the trees and Sasuke's hands flew up to form the seal of the Tiger.

"I'll be DAMNED before I die by the hand of a monster you named _Sac-man!_"

_**x**_

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...YOUR MIND IS MINE!


	9. Day of Reckoning I

**AN**: YAY! Thank you so much for your reviews and support! (And the exclamations of love and marriage proposals and I guess the demands for updates. Believe me, the feeling's mutual.) Yes, I'm alive, and didn't update for SIX FUCKING WEEKS. I know dude, what the hell is wrong with me? I'll tell you.

**SCHOOL**: Is taking over my life and turning it into Hell. I swear. All my free time is being sucked away from my beloved fic writing time. ;-; And speaking of life…

**LIFE**: Dude, my life sucks right now. Seriously. Like, you wouldn't believe what's happening, and on most days, updating my fic(s) doesn't even cross my mind.

But I'm still sorry that I didn't find the time to update sooner, and that this AN is so long. Maybe I should make my chapters shorter and update more often?

Anyway, thank you so much **Morena Evensong** (for the thousandth time, and I'm terribly sorry for not having the time to read and review your fic), **HatefulShinobi** (for the suggestions), **Christine** (for the correction… 'cause it WAS a typo…), **Carved Wolf of Emerald** (just because I really liked that review), **kiseki-girl** (…what shounen-ai implications? I don't know what you're talking about! …Blatant lie), **Yuume Li** (congratulations on your nomination! …HOUSISTS UNITE!) and everyone else!

I also wanted to update before Naruto's birthday and my birthday. This is his early birthday present. He'll get another present (a very late present) in a later chapter that would feature his birthday. I've been fretting over this for awhile, and feel bad that I can't find the time to write him a one shot or something.

Sorry for the long wait and the FRIGGIN HUGE AN. Enjoy!

_x_

The first thing on Naruto's class schedule had been Potions. This had left the little Leaf Nin nothing short of confused.

"Hey Sasuke... do they mean poisoning?" he asked cautiously, sticking the scroll in his friends face. The other boy snatched it away, annoyed, and scanned the paper that had been so conveniently translated into kanji via Ms. McGonagall-sensei.

"Huh... we have all the same classes," he said, adding a barely audible, but solidly sarcastic, "great" under his breath.

"It IS great!"

Sasuke sighed. Nothing got past Naruto, neh?

"Whatever, Naruto."

They were, currently, walking downwards. That was the only way the raven-haired shinobi could describe it. It was staircase after staircase of 'down,' with each floor that they penetrated becoming darker and more dismal. Sasuke and Naruto both wondered where the hell they were going.

Luckily, they caught up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were going the same way. Most likely to the same class. Harry looked particularly tired, the shinobi noticed, and they shared a look before Naruto began to start a more one sided conversation with the four of them, only stopping in his frenzied speak when Hermione questioned them on his and Sasuke's mutual wetness. But Naruto was interrupted before he could answer.

"YOSH!"

Lee and Neji.

Lee, excited as ever, was a striking contrast with the ever silent and brooding Neji. They all exchanged greetings, and proceeded on with their downwards trek, where after a few minutes, they met up with Kiba, Shino, Chouji, and Ino. The small group of two had quickly accumulated into a large flock of eleven, all walking down the endless flights of stairs. Not only that, but they were beginning to get loud too.

"Naruto, you're dripping everywhere," stated Lee.

"It's 'cause me and Sasuke were in the Forbidden Forest."

"Ooo... and how was it? Neji and I explored the roofs."

"Me 'n Shino went around the castle halls. I gotta show you this weird mirror, Naruto!"

"Shikamaru and me went to the kitchens," chirped Chouji, patting his belly. "Who knew elves were so cooperative?"

"Ha! Figures you would find your way to the kitchens. You even dragged Shikamaru with you..."

Sasuke, who hadn't contributed to the conversation in anyway save for a grunt or two to an over excited Ino, noticed the wizarding trio's reactions to the confessions of the shinobi. It involved wide eyes and speechlessness. There was a lot of that going on lately.

"YOU were in the Forbidden Forest!" cried Ron, pointing at the small, whiskered blonde. It could have been an accusing question, or a statement. Sasuke didn't care much either way.

"Yeah! We were!" grinned Naruto. "Wanna go tomorrow? Maybe we can poke at Sac-man's body!"

"And you sneaked around the kitchens... and the roof?" gaped Hermione, "AND you exploited the house elves!"

"Exploited?"

Harry looked annoyed. Maybe if he got more sleep and exercise, and maybe ate more, he wouldn't look so... sickly.

"You can't just go roaming around the castle and the forest at night," scolded the bushy haired witch.

"And you CANT talk about it so loudly. NARUTO!" added her red headed friend.

All the shinobi, save for Sasuke and Neji and Shino of course, vocally disregarded the comment.

"I'm serious! There are rules against leaving the common room dormitories after dark! You know nothing of the wizarding world. You could get hurt, or killed. Or worst, expelled!" one guess at who said _that_.

Naruto scoffed at this in mocking sort of way and grinned his trademark grin. "Oh," he began, "You're one to talk, Bushy! We heard all about you guys! Sneaking around at night, breaking into chambers, rescuing God fathers, competing in tournaments... "

The girl looked taken aback, as did the two other wizards.

"Yeah!" piped up Kiba from somewhere in the back, "And technically, we're not students! We could have just been scouting the premises."

"Standard mission regulation," Neji stated nonchalantly, the first thing he had said upon arriving.

The three wizards indignantly gave up.

"Whatever, whatever. We're here anyways," grumbled Ron.

Both Sasuke and Naruto, and all the other shinobi by the looks of it, were slightly confused as to where 'here' was. 'Here' in fact, looked dark, dismal, and completely unfit for any sort of educational learning. Ino was the only one to voice the question lingering in the minds of her fellow Leaf Nin. Harry ignored it, flinging the ('Dungeon?' thought Sasuke) doors open, instead.

A dungeon indeed, Sasuke. A dungeon indeed.

The shinobi filed into the torture-chamber turned classroom whose tables were divided down the middle in front a long teacher's desk and chalk board. Naruto scoffed. He hadn't been in a _real_ classroom since the day he was assigned a cell… and the first part of the Chuunin Exam didn't count. Besides, this room had NOTHING on _that_ classroom, thought Naruto as memories of Ibiki assaulted him with a shutter.

Harry and Ron sat at a table on the left side of the room, Hermione pairing up with another girl from the Gryffindor House and sitting at another table behind them. Ino and Chouji followed them, along with Kiba and Shino. Neji and Lee, and Sasuke and Naruto sat on the opposite side, though, sitting at the two person tables.

As Naruto and Lee sat down, a boy behind them spoke up, saying something about Slytherin sides and idiots. He had an arrogant voice, lined with contempt. Sasuke remembered it. He turned around to face a familiar pale eyed platinum blonde sitting at the table behind him. His eyes narrowed as he replayed a memory.

_The Uchiha prodigy had extracted, readied and positioned six kunai in his favorite throwing stance by the time the obnoxious blonde bastard could even form the mental image of flicking his stick. Sasuke smirked, reveling in smugness._

_Until a curly white puff of smoke 'popped' behind him, materializing a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke sighed, and sarcastically wondered who that could possibly be._

"_Sasuke, Naruto found Cell Ten. Don't waste your time here."_

_But the kunai didn't budge, reluctance and stubborn pride freezing them where they were held. Sasuke felt malicious red eyes pierce through his attacker. Oh yeah, he would kick his ass. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, but it would be soon._

And Sasuke had every intention of keeping that promise.

_x_

Draco Malfoy hadn't slept well the night before. He was restless and had woken from fitful slumber more times than he could remember. He couldn't be sure, but it could have been the stress. Stress from his family and the family business. (Family meaning his father. Business meaning Voldemort.)

Also, there was the problem with foreigners. They were running around everywhere. First, he had met one in Diagon Alley. But met probably wasn't the best word for it. Encountered. Encountered would be better because 'met' sounded much too... he didn't know. Less fighty.

He blamed his out of character thoughts and vocabulary use on the author and lack of sleep. But mostly on the author.

The encounter with the foreigner was one he wouldn't soon forget. The boy had been some variety of Asian (not sure which one, since where ever they came from, they all looked the bloody SAME), and exceptionally fast. Draco blamed his miscalculation on the fact that he was going easy on the little bastard. He didn't think he'd be a threat; the boy had no wand, and thus, was helpless. At least, that's what Draco thought before he pulled out six steel daggers in the span of milliseconds after dodging a hex. Yes. Definitely not helpless.

Another thing he noticed, besides his speed and ethnicity of course, was his eyes. A striking red. He could have sworn they weren't that color before they started their little fight.

But now foreigners were invading his school. They were exchange students from, he was guessing, Asia. Not sure where, the crazy old Headmaster hadn't said, and frankly Draco hadn't cared. Probably some region that bred girls with pink hair. And after studying them briefly, he found them uninteresting, and ignored them completely, careful not to show any concern to the ones who had wormed their way into his house.

But not only that, a Gryffindor exchange student was sitting IN FRONT of him in Potions on the Slytherin side of the room. Unacceptable. There was only so much he could take.

"Hey! You can't sit here! This is the Slytherin side of the room, idiot."

They had both turned around, the dark haired one more sharply than the other. His eyes narrowed.

Draco doesn't entirely remember, but he thought he saw them flash red before a pain burst in his gut, pushing the air out of his lungs, another (_vicious_) impact sending him downwards, and his head hitting the back of something. Hard.

Then he saw nothing.

_x_

Harry was ready to take back every sarcastic word said, every snide remark spoken, and every contemptuous thought that he had ever directed toward his ninja body guards when he had saw it.

Sasuke punching Malfoy straight in the gut, a kick in the chest, and sending the back of his head slamming into a table.

Bloody yes.

_Everything._

A victorious grin split Harry's face in two. Beside him, Ron whistled, impressed. A few other Gryffindors gave outward signs of delight, the rest probably inwardly ecstatic. Oh yeah. He would relish this moment. He didn't know what Malfoy had said to the ninja pair earlier, but it must've been something _heinous_. Trust the bastard to make enemies with a trained assassin in less than ten seconds.

Harry didn't have much time to soak in the sight of a comatose Malfoy, or in the panicking Slytherins, though. Snape took that moment to enter the classroom, his nose as long and his robes as impossibly billowy as they had always been. Harry watched as his most hated teacher's eyes widened to the size of saucers, and his pale face redden in anger. He'd relish this too.

"What in Merlin's name happened here?" he seethed with a voice that was remarkably calm, despite his barefaced fury. He looked as if he was going to explode any second. But Sasuke didn't seem to notice. He didn't answer, instead turning his head slightly in an unconcerned way, forcing Snape to restate his question with more force and less patience.

"He fell," stated the raven haired shinobi. "Obviously."

"Well then, how did he fall?"

"I don't know," he lied smoothly, crossing his arms, and meeting Snape's glare with a cool one of his own, "I had nothing to do with it."

A few Slytherins rose in an uproar at the blatant lie, but were immediately silenced with a deadly look from the perpetrator, whose eyes had flashed red again. They were probably recalling that the dangerous boy did, in fact, know where they slept. Harry witnessed a wave of shudders pass through the group of Slytherins, and a few Gryffindors. Mostly Neville.

Snape narrowed his eyes but took no time to think on the behavior of his house, using it to order a student to fetch Madame Pomfrey, and swooping down upon the unconscious boy and checking for any life threatening injuries.

"Its hard to believe one could acquire a head injury this severe without assistance," snarled the professor after some inspection, just as Madame Pomfrey burst through the door, flustered and red faced before the agitated Sasuke could utter a retort. Malfoy was ushered through the door and out the dungeon afterwards, and Snape returned to the chalk board to start the first day's lesson, allowing the classroom to fall into temporary disorder.

"Twenty-five points from Gryffindor."

_x_

Naruto didn't know what points were, so he couldn't participate in the collective shouts of outrage that the left side of the room produced. Whatever the points were for, it seems that Gryffindor just lost twenty-five. Naruto was disappointed.

"Neh neh! Sasuke! What are points for?"

"I don't know. Stop whispering in my ear."

"But I wanna play too!"

Naruto's loud confession seemed to have granted him some more deducted points, in which he cheered.

"Take THAT, Gryffindor!"

"Naruto! That's YOUR house!"

"...Dammit!"

The blonde shinobi could hear his raven haired companion sigh exasperatedly, and in the front of the classroom, his new professor probably popped a blood vessel. He allowed the class to settle down before speaking.

"Class," he began, "Don't think that this unfortunate _accident,"_ he paused, straining the word and look pointedly at Sasuke_, "_would get you out of your first potions class of the school year." He spun around to face the chalk board behind him, his robes sweeping dramatically. Naruto heard Kiba snort loudly somewhere in the back of the classroom. He didn't blame him; the billowing robes DID make the professor resemble a tall, greasy geisha.

...A tall, greasy, _extremely_ unattractive geisha.

The tall, greasy, ugly geisha look-alike then tapped the chalk board, potion instructions immediately appearing on the smooth green stone. He tapped a cauldron on his desk, and it was suddenly filled to the brim with a thick, boiling, purple liquid.

"Can anyone tell me what this potion is?" asked the professor through a scowl. As if on cue, a certain bushy haired girl's hand shot up quicker than one would think possible for a non-shinobi. When it was evident that she wouldn't receive immediate acknowledgment, she began to wave it a little. Snape ignored her. A certain blonde genin found this highly amusing. And hint: It wasn't Ino.

After a few more moments of a classroom full of silence as his new teacher searched in vain for any other willing candidate, Naruto began to find the spastic Hermione fairly boring, and he eventually brought his wand up to balance unsuccessfully on the tips of his fidgety fingers. He was contemplating whether or not he should try balancing the wand on his nose when a shadow suddenly loomed over him.

Ooo... Ominous.

"You," snapped the shadow. "Can _you_ tell me what this potion is?"

Sasuke eyes narrowed, Lee pumped his fists in anticipation, Kiba suppressed a fit of laughter, and Ino groaned inwardly as Naruto scrunched his eyes in concentration. Who was he talking to?

"Can't answer? What can you tell me then?" the professor sneered. Naruto was really confused by now. He knew nothing about the wizarding world, how could he name some weird purple mud?

"Uh... well..."

"Twenty five points from Gryffindor."

Naruto groaned, feeling the need to bang his head on the table multiple times.

And it was only fifteen minutes into first period.

_x_

To sum things up, for the convenience of both Sasuke and the author, first period Potions involved many explosions (physical and verbal), swearing, spilling, semi-fatal injuries, failed attempts at potion making, exclamations of youth, new found hatred for certain greasy professors, mildly explicit nudity, and general havoc.

All in all, Sasuke had had better days. He thought this as he walked through the halls with the same group of people from that morning: All the shinobi in both the Gryffindor and Slytherin houses, and the usual trio of wizards-and-a-witch, except this time, they were walking upwards.

"Where are we going now, Harry?" asked Naruto. Both the blonde and Sasuke were walking towards the front, leading the mob of shinobi with the bespeckled boy and his friends.

"To Defense Against the Arts. It's an amazing class, you guys are gonna love it," replied Harry. Sasuke noticed how the boy's attitude changed since first period, and it wasn't a subtle change either. It was like comparing the personalities between Neji and Lee. That alone was nothing short of impossible.

"Really?" all but squealed Naruto (in Sasuke's ear, no less), "Defense Against the Dark Arts? We finally get to see some action!"

"Yeah, and its something we're good at," added Kiba.

"Oh please. This isn't the primitive muggle fighting _you_ guys do," interrupted Ron, "This is the real thing, with wands and guts and strategy. No offense, but there's no way _you_ could be good at it."

Eight pairs of ninja eyes narrowed, except for maybe Shino's, whose sun glasses made it difficult to tell. But before shuriken were thrown or chakra pores closed they arrived to a pair of doors after climbing one last flight of stairs.

"Here it is!" cried Ron enthusiastically, oblivious to the glares he was receiving behind his back. He anticipatedly grasped the handles and flung the doors open. What they had revealed left the large group silent in shock.

Then laughter.

Naruto, Kiba, and Chouji were choking on laughter, collapsing onto the ground. Naruto was clutching Sasuke's robes as he descended to the floor, futilely trying to keep himself from falling. Shino nor Ino allowed Kiba and Chouji to do the same, so they were forced to slide onto the floor unaided.

Lee, Neji, Sasuke, Shino and Ino didn't find the spacious, pink classroom adorned with frills and lace nearly as hilarious. In fact, they found it pathetic. Extremely so.

"I… cant… breath!"

"Shut up!" cried Ron, enthusiasm replaced by anger, "We're obviously in the wrong class room!"

"So… much… lace!"

Ron exploded into a frenzy of cursing and threats, but his rant was cut short with a ridiculous "_hem hem_."

The laughter died down when a short, squat, toad-like creature approached them from a teacher's desk from the far end of the classroom. It took some time for the shinobi to realize that it was a person, and from her appearance, she almost induced another fit of raucous laughter. She was dressed very much like the room, in pink robes, girlish pig tails, and a great lavender ribbon tied neatly on the top of her head. The style of her clothing did nothing to hide nor distract one from the fact that she was very much indeed, old. It actually had the opposite effect, and her age was accentuated.

"Now that I have your attention, may I ask that you sit down."

She said this in a sugary sweet voice, so much so that Sasuke could almost feel cavities forming in the back of his mouth. And although she "asked" them to take their seats, it wasn't a request.

The large group of people blocking the doorway dispersed, some still quivering with laughter, and moved to find seats at the two-person tables. Sasuke and Naruto sat behind Harry and a seething Ron this time, the other shinobi scattering about the room, unconsciously in a way that would be most advantageous if an attack should occur. As unlikely as that would seem.

The unlikeliness of attack reminded Sasuke that this mission was proving to be quite boring. He could think of many other missions he would rather be assigned to at the moment. Weeding, painting the Hokage office, exterminating renegade missing-nin…

His list was cut short (he had only gotten as far as number seventy-eight, which involved ferrets) when the last of the students filed in through the door, and the professor announced the start of class.

It seemed as if they would be having class with the Slytherins again, all the students from last period were present, with the exception of one blonde wizard. Sasuke smirked.

"Good morning class." she was greeted with silence. "My name is Professor Umbridge, and as you would know from my speech just last night," she was interrupted with murmurs of 'she said a speech?' and 'know what?', "That all defense courses held shall now contain only Ministry approved material."

Meaning?

"No physical demonstrations, practice, or direct defense techniques are to be taught."

This was met with a great uproar from enraged students. Except from the shinobi, who had no idea what she was talking about anyway. (Though Lee felt the need to participate in the shouting regardless.)

"Why?" demanded Harry loudly, "Why would you pull Dark Art Defense now when it's most important?"

The Professor's beady eyes narrowed at the boy's implied words, she knew what he was talking about.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Potter. Why would it be so crucial for you to learn Defense now? We're all perfectly safe, there's no need to know things that you will never need in the future."

"Not with the return of Voldemort!" His outburst had caused the wizarding students shivers and yelps, which greatly amused the shinobi. That one boy, Neville, had fallen out of his chair, and didn't get up afterwards. Sasuke suspected him unconscious.

"Mr. Potter, I have not the slightest clue of what compels you to shout such lies, but I must ask you to stop immediately."

"LIES?" he practically screamed at the top of his lungs, the room cringed. "I SAW him! Voldemort is back, and if we don't DO something, then we won't stand a chance!"

"Thirty points from Gryffindor," declared the Professor calmly.

"Ignoring the problem won't solve it, lady!"

"Mr. Potter, I must ask you to leave my classroom this instant."

This demand was met with loud, angry protest and it took the Professor many attempts and finally threats of expulsion until the livid teen finally left the room in a flurry of black robes and the slam of the door. Ron and Hermione had offered to leave with him, both as upset as him about the denial of the return of the Dark Lord, but he turned them down. After he left, the class was in general disorder, talking in hushed whispers about the events that had just taken place in the classroom, until Umbridge raised her hands and her voice to get their silence and attention.

"Quiet please! Now, before you get _too_ excited about the new teaching methods, much in the same way Mr. Potter did just now, I have some bad news."

"What, did she consider the last bit _good_ news?" scoffed Ron loudly.

"Because of the need to keep a 'good image', as Dumbledore had put it, among our new guests, the ministry has decided to change the course for their sake. Supposedly, they came to experience everything the ancient, prestigious wizarding community has to offer, and the new rules concerning your safety would be 'stifling' that experience. But I honestly don't see why we need to revert to such dangerous means of teaching the students just for a few… _visitors_." She spat the last word from her mouth as if it were a wad of bitter phlegm, this observation not escaping the shinobi in the least.

"Yeah, because book work is SO fulfilling…"

"Apparently, the Department of Outer Dimensional Relations wanted to avoid any speculation that may have followed the pulling of demonstration during Defense classes."

Sasuke could understand that much. The wizards didn't want to seem like they had intentionally pulled all physical demonstrations from their classes just as the shinobi were arriving. It would seem as if they were trying to hide the basis of their power from their guests, which was pretty much a slap in the face.

It was a smart move as far as Foreign Relations went, (the same situation was sometimes an issue back at Konohagakure), proving that the wizards either held some form of respect or fear for the ninja. But this also proved that the only wizards that knew of the shinobi's actual purpose in the wizarding world were the ones involved with the Order. If the Wizard Council, or who ever was in charge, (Sasuke neither knew nor cared), knew that the ninja were there only to aid in the war and look into the safety of a certain, delinquent wizard boy and his school, then they wouldn't have bothered making such an inconvenient change just to keep up appearances.

"Ano sa, ano sa, Sasuke!" whispered Naruto loudly in the other boys ear, choosing to use their native tongue for whatever he wanted to say.

"_What?"_ he asked irritably, rubbing the offended ear.

"_What the hell is she talking about?"_

"_Ask questions later, dobe."_

"_Kiss my ass, teme."_

"_You'll have to kill me first."_

"_Gladly!"_

Knowing Sasuke and Naruto, it wouldn't take long for the little banter to escalate into a full out fight with Sasuke's even, taunting insults which had always possessed an uncanny ability to coax a punch from the short tempered blonde. Naruto was, for now, desperately trying to maintain his composure, but was failing miserably. And after a few more successfully degrading insults from the Uchiha boy, the younger boy finally snapped.

"_FUCK YOU, TEME!" _he raged in Japanese, standing up with so much force that his chair was thrown backwards, somehow smacking a very unsuspecting Lee in the forehead, and looking deliriously livid. Professor Umbridge stopped in her rant about the importance of Outer Dimensional Relationships to stare at the two boys incredulously, watching as Naruto raised a fist and made to lunge.

"_Claudeo_!"

_x_

Naruto's eyes grew wide as he froze at the sound of the Professor's outburst. Literally.

Sasuke had just uttered a particularly vicious insult, something to do with the color orange symbolizing failure, and Naruto couldn't control himself. With a cry of outrage and a fling of his chair, he lunged at the other boy, ready to punch his smug little face in.

But he was stopped suddenly. The Professor had shouted a strange word and he found himself frozen in mid air and unable to move. He was left staring at Sasuke's face, which held a stunned expression. Or as stunned as he would let it appear, which wasn't very much.

"How dare you attack this innocent Slytherin boy? I _will not_ tolerate muggle fighting in my classroom!"

If Naruto was able to movie his lips, he would have gladly asked her what was a muggle after telling her to fuck off. Instead he let an agitated growl rip through his throat.

After a few more moments of confined suspension, the Professor finally released him with a flick of her wand, allowing the blonde boy to fall on his face with a loud 'thud.'

"I expect to see you in for a week's detention, young man. Both you and Mr. Potter can keep each other company. You can also comfort yourself in the fact that you just lost your house twenty-five more points."

Naruto groaned as he got up from his position on the ground, retaking his seat (which had been delivered to him, courtesy of Lee) beside that smug little bastard Sasuke, who Naruto had kicked under the table as soon as he was given the chance.

And to the all the shinobi's dismay, it was only second period of the first day.

_x_

Gaara had the strangest feeling that he was being put out, but wasn't too sure why. The cup had brought him and his siblings to a 'wizarding market,' and was receiving extremely irritating stares as they searched for a 'decimated stick selling shop.' Damn wizards and their vagueness.

He crossed his arms a little tighter and made his face take on a darker shade of 'nonchalant' as they entered a small, dusty store that slightly looked as if a giant, centuries old toad had crushed it.

Gaara watched in wicked amusement as the wiry man behind the counter looked upon the trio in utmost terror and dismay.

The red headed Sand Nin delighted himself in the fact that he now had a whole new continent to prove his existence.

He would make the most of this mission.

_x _

_Forbidden Forest Omake Part Two_

_x_

"Ooo! What are those?"

'Oh god. I KNOW Naruto isn't so stupid that he'd run up to touch something that could kill us again.'

"I wanna touch them!"

'Dammit, Naruto.'

The 'those' that Naruto was referring to looked like the stick bugs back at home, but slightly bigger and humanoid, resembling the stick men doodled in the margins of old notebooks and on his desk at the ninja academy. They clung to the tries in masses, swinging from the braches and poking their heads out from holes carved in the trunks. They looked innocent enough until Naruto approached one with an out stretched hand. A brave little stick man warily climbed into it, and the blonde was ecstatic. So much, that when he meant to fold his fingers delicately around the little creature he instead crushed it into little bits of wood, pieces of bark falling to the ground as he gasped in horror.

There was a stunned silence. Naruto stared. Sasuke stared. The stick men stared.

Then Sasuke ran.

And as soon as he fled the clearing, it was filled with the collective cries of outrage from the little creatures for their fallen comrade. They all lunged, and Naruto found himself covered in a thick blanket of the anguished stick monsters.

"UWAAH! SASUKE! THEY'RE KILLING ME!"

But the Uchiha, long out of ear shot, had already escaped.

And so marked Naruto's second attack in the Forbidden Forest.

_x_

Please review and send wishes for faster updates and better plot!

:D

**THE HAPPY FACE COMPELS YOU!**


	10. Day of Reckoning II

AN: Hey, all my lovely, wonderful reviewers and readers! Thank you all for the fantastic, encouraging reviews! I also wanted to let you know, (even though no one READS ANs), that the thirtieth of October was my birthday, so I just imaged your reviews as presents. And I didn't really get questions that can't be answered in the story itself, so...

**Special thanks time! **

As always, to **Morena Evensong** (who has been an amazingly fantastically wonderful reader and reviewer since the first chapter), **RetaroO** (school and life really does equal EWW), **NinjaSquirls** (for finding a new mission in life! SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!), **HatefulShinobi** (huggles back), **Yuume Li** (for guffawing), **kiseki-girl** (for helping me save kittens), **Yue-eternal** (just because I love it when I'm told that) **Starshinesoldier** (what shounen-ai? laughs nervously HA HA… I _swear_ this fic has no pairings!), **me** (yeah, I realized that too late, and people liked that ending line too much for me to change it.), **Kerii-chan** (yaoi? What gave you THAT idea?... :D), and finally:

**kuroiryuu.**

I swear. That had to be one of the most in-depth, flattering, make-me-wanna-update-five-weeks-faster reviews I have ever received in all my (one) years of fanfiction! It looked like a friggin ESSAY. Thank you so much for taking the time to type it!

Damn these long ANs!

x

"You know," said Kiba offhandedly as he threw a stick into the edge of the Forbidden Forest for Akamaru to fetch, "It feels like someone's missing…"

"Yeah," replied Sakura as she tried to get as close to Sasuke as possible without him (or Ino) noticing. "It really does."

"Hey, Sasuke," called Naruto from the shade of a tree he was currently sharing with Neji and Shikamaru, the three of them partaking in the oh-so-stressful task of cloud watching. It was lunch time, and the ninja decided to spend theirs outside, where the weather was warm and resembled the Konohagakure climate.

"What, dobe?"

"Where the HELL is Kakashi?"

x

The receptionist turned a disapproving gaze on the blatantly eccentric white haired man seated in one of the waiting room chairs. He giggled suggestively, as he would every few minutes, into the book that his nose had been buried in since the moment he walked in about half an hour ago. The various pieces of cloth covering three fourths of his face did nothing to hide the shameless mirth he displayed, and she felt her left eye lid twitch. It was his turn next, and for some reason, she couldn't suppress a feeling of dread.

"Uhm… Mr. Kakashi, was it?"

Said man, dressed in a strange uniform even though formal robes were strongly recommended, curved his one visible eye to resemble an upside down 'u,' so he was probably smiling. Or had spontaneously fallen asleep.

"Actually, my family name is 'Hatake.'"

"Well then, Mr. Hatake-"

The woman was cut off before she could finish the sentence by the white haired man when he insisted, "Actually, I would prefer to be addressed as 'Kakashi,' thank you."

"Well, Mr. Kakashi-"

"Kakashi."

The hasty correction was the last straw, and the woman at the front desk was _really_ aggravated now; it took all her strength _not_ to hex his insistive ass right out the door. The fact that 'insistive' wasn't a real word, (judging from the red, squiggly line it stood upon), did nothing to pacify her (or the author's) growing annoyance. 'Kakashi' smiled.

"Well then, _sir. _The minister would like to see you now."

"Thank you, _ma'am_."

And the white haired man made his way to the door on her right, stuffing the mysterious little orange book into one of the many pockets that covered his person. She sighed as he disappeared, trying to calm her nerves. She peeked at the paper he had presented to her just a few moments before, curiosity consuming her.

"Hatake Kakashi…" she murmured to herself, "Temporary representative of The Village Hidden in the Leaves…"

She stopped reading and huffed, putting the papers back into their respective stacks.

As if she _didn't_ get enough weirdoes working here.

x

Kabuto had always thought that Orochimaru-sama was more like a woman than he let on. He took forever to make even the most menial decisions, (like what to wear in the morning, what color eye shadow accentuated his skin tone the most though he picked _the same one_ every morning, what to eat for breakfast, which body to transfer into after Sasuke-kun's retrieval failed…), and he took even longer to get ready for an upcoming mission.

You would never think an S-class missing-nin that had almost single handedly (or so he says) destroyed the great Konohagakure would not, just a few days ago, have been fretting over the loss of his favorite traveling sandals.

But he did.

Orochimaru-sama had decided to come along with the Sound Four through the Outer Dimensional Overlap that led to the strange country that was 'China,' at the last minute. This had thrown the whole mission schedule into chaos, but in the end, they followed through and left the underground mansion right before sunset.

They had arrived to 'China' right after sunrise, directly in the Qingdao Port according to the map. They traveled swiftly, taking very few rest breaks, and covering enormous ground both on foot and by "car."

From Qingdao they followed a long road that quickly took them through the cities of Shijiazhuang, Xi'an, Urumqi, and finally to Bishneck. After a very short break, they traveled from Bishneck to Uzbekistan, crossed over the country of Iran, and finally taking a real rest in Turkey.

Kabuto was sure to take many notes on this strange new world, paying special attention to the effectiveness of their telephone poles, the characteristics of their wildlife, the uses for the "car" and the roads they rode on, and the various cultures that they came in contact with. He found many of the things in this world to be similar to the ones back in their dimension, and theorized that this place had very little difference, or was the same.

The Medic-Nin had noted many observations in this dimension, the first being that the more north-western they traveled, the stranger and more foreign the culture became, Turkey being the most prominent example. He couldn't make neither heads nor tails of this place, and had been scribbling frantically into his notebook the second he stepped foot over the border.

By this time, Jirobou had been sent out with the task of stocking up with food that could at least last them the month, blankets, water bottles, and other essentials as Tayuya, Sakon, and Ukon were given the task of scouting for anything interesting or worth noting. This left Orochimaru-sama, Kidoumaru, Kabuto and Kimimaro (who had demanded his participation in the mission, only succeeding through walking short distances and being carried as dignifiedly as possible by Jirobou) to survey the town, taking in as much as they could with what little time they could spare.

It was in Turkey, the strangest land they had ever stepped foot in, where they felt it, a sort of chakra signature concealing some kind of tavern. It was extremely powerful, but Kabuto discovered that by pouring a vast amount of chakra into the jutsu, you could disrupt the internal workings, disabling the illusion and barrier and allowing one to easily slip through. And this was what the four of them did, fueled by curiosity and hidden intention.

They would make the most of this mission.

x

Harry didn't remember much from the occasional kung-fu fighting movies that Dudley brought home, (seeing as how he never got to really WATCH them, memories of hiding in Dudley's closet to get a glimpse at Jackie Chan plagued his mind as he thought this), but he did know one thing:

Ninja's sure in the hell weren't supposed to like scones as much as Sasuke did. No matter how hard he tried to hide it.

And furthermore, ninjas definitely weren't suppose to be so loud (Naruto, Kiba, Lee), obnoxious (Naruto, Kiba, Lee, Sasuke), and uncooperative towards their employers (Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke, Neji)

But, as expected of ninja, some of them were plenty scary. (SHINO NEJI SASUKE)

And if there was one thing that he KNEW they all had in common, it was their destructive capabilities.

It had just happened a few hours ago. Harry took his eyes off Naruto for less than thirty seconds and the blonde had disappeared. Almost immediately Harry heard a loud, earth shaking explosion detonate in the distance. Naruto had returned moments later, grinning as if he did something unforgivably evil and was damn proud about it. Harry felt the need to be even warier then usual, which was pretty friggin wary.

But now, during lunch, it had almost been seven whole minutes since The Boy Who Lived saw any of the ninja. That was a hard feat, considering the fact that there were about thirteen of them roaming around the school.

By now, Harry was more than a little nervous, and felt the need to evaluate a quick review that pretty much summarized everything he had come to know regarding his body guards:

NINJA + OUT OF SIGHT : APOCALYPSE

There.

And they were out of sight… for a whole EIGHT MINUTES. With this last thought, he decided to excuse himself from the lunch table that he was sharing with a few other Gryffindors and a Ravenclaw and look for them, making sure they didn't get into too much trouble. He wasn't sure if the castle could take it.

So Harry ventured out the Great Hall doors, armed with nothing but a half eaten leg of chicken and his wand, expecting the worst but hoping for the best.

After a few minutes of searching the front of the school (mostly looking for signs of destruction and burning corpses) he found nothing. But after a few moments more, he heard the distinctive sound of a barking dog.

Harry followed the noise to a clearing near the tree line of the Forbidden Forest a little bit past Hagrid's hut. It was here he found the shinobi, sprawled out in the shade and branches of the trees, basking in the warm sun, throwing sticks into the forest, and eating chips.

"Neh neh! Doesn't that one look like a cat?"

"No. It looks like a cloud."

"You know, Neji, for someone with Byakugan, you really suck at cloud watching."

Harry was so relieved at the peaceful lounging he dropped his chicken bone. There seemed to be no mass devastation, no mayhem, no casualties… nothing.

"Harry!" cried Naruto, finally noticing the messy haired wizard, "I was worried that in the three minutes (_'Actually, it was eleven'_) that we've been gone, you'd been kidnapped by that one guy we know nothing about!"

"You mean Voldemort?"

"Bless you, Shikamaru."

"Naruto, that's his name."

"Well, it _sounds_ like a sneeze."

Harry tried his best to ignore Naruto's rambles as he surveyed the shinobi's positions. Lee and Shino each lounged lazily in the branches of the tree whose shade gave refuge to the hyperactive blonde, Neji, and Shikamaru. A little further from them, Sasuke, Sakura and Ino were leaning against a boulder, with both the girls looking ecstatic and the raven haired boy looking uncomfortable and slightly nauseous. And little further from them, Tenten, Hinata and Chouji reclined in the grass, polishing dangerous looking knives, long, thin needles, and other dangerous looking weapons all the while munching chips. Further away, Kiba was playing fetch with Akamaru a little too deep into the tree line for Harry's comfort, throwing a long, slim, familiar looking stick back and forth into the ominous, undoubtfully deadly forest.

"Do you really think that forest is that deadly?"

"'Doubt it."

Harry felt himself prick in irritation. But this was forgotten when a cry of frustration and a bark resounded from the forest. Seconds later, Kiba broke into the clearing, Akamaru in tow and growling low in his throat.

"Shut up, Akamaru! It IS your fault!" this was countered with an angry bark. "Don't use that tone with me!"

The Boy Who Lived could only stare dumbstruck at the (seemingly) one sided argument unfolding before him. He had seen a lot of weird things before, (attending a wizarding school and all), but this had to be one of the strangest. Had he ever seen anyone take part in a verbal fight with a dog? He quickly took that back. He'd seen Mrs. Weasley bicker back and forth with Sirius plenty of times before.

"What happened, Kiba?" asked Hinata quietly, her tone made it apparent that the boy didn't do this very often.

"It's Akamaru's fault!" he answered angrily. "He says I threw it too far, but I think he just can't catch. Now we can't find my wand!"

If Harry could face fault, he probably would have at that second. These current events had surfaced two demon spawn questions. Demon spawn question number one: Why in the HELL was Kiba using his wand of all things to play fetch? Demon-spawn question number two: Why of all the places to lose it, the FORBIDDEN FOREST?

…**FORBIDDEN.**

God dammit.

"Well, where is it then?" asked Naruto.

"It's in the forest, obviously!" said Kiba, pointing behind him, as if it were really the most obvious thing in the world. Though it was.

A whole multitude of annoying dialogue resumed afterward (but was to be excluded for the sake of the author, who thought it appropriate to channel her inner Shikamaru and think it too troublesome to type details), discussing the fate of Kiba's wand if they didn't retrieve it, the fate of Kiba's participation in the mission if they didn't retrieve it, and the fate of the shinobi themselves if they DID retrieve it. (The author also thought it appropriate to inform readers that talk of fate was taken in most part by Neji.)

"So we have definitely decided going into the forest is our fate."

"Neji, say 'fate' one more time and I swear I'll…"

"What? 'Kick my ass'?" he said in a stoically mocking tone before Naruto and Tenten gave him a knowing look. Harry felt it was also Neji's fate to shut his mouth.

Minutes later, Harry found himself and twelve shinobi of varying moods and hair colors standing before the Forbidden Forest, ready to march head first into the ominous foliage, unsure of how he got dragged into the whole mess that had stemmed from a game of fetch.

They had decided that the ones to lead the expedition would be no one other than Harry, who had been in the Forest more times then he could count, (okay, so it was about seven, but who was _really_ counting? Not the author). Sasuke was to be the second, incase Harry met an untimely death, then Naruto, because he was the only other one to have been in the forest besides Kiba.

And with a battle cry of "YOUTH!", "DATTE BAYO!", and "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" the huge mob of ninja and a wizard charged, ran, sauntered, swaggered, bounded, multiplied, and slowly walked into the forest.

Harry thought it was a horrible idea to make so much noise all the while leaving such a big trail for something to follow, but this rapidly changed when after a few minutes, he found himself with only Sasuke, Sakura, and a few of Naruto's replications. The rest had either fallen behind them, went off ahead, or moved in a different direction, and in the process, striking Harry with an overwhelming sense of awe as he witnessed the shinobi perform amazing feats of strength and agility, leaping and weaving through the trees at deafening heights and speeds as if it were as simple and second nature as breathing.

The Boy Who Lived had also thought it strange that they were delving so deeply into the forest when it was only logical that the wand would have landed somewhere _near_ the tree line, not further from it.

"Hey, isn't this too far?" he finally asked.

"Well, yeah. Kiba and his team are practically experts at tracking and finding stuff, especially with Hinata's Byakugan, so they stayed behind. Y' know, they probably found it by now…"

"Then WHY are we still in the FORBIDDEN FOREST?"

…**FORBIDDEN.**

God dammit.

x

Naruto thought it extremely obvious that the whole "looking for Kiba's wand" mission was really just an excuse for the shinobi to explore the forest. It was so dark, so foreboding, _so_ deliciously dangerous, that it was just _calling_ them. But Kakashi, the missions general over seer, being the only jounin, had advised them against it. He had strictly told them not to enter unless given a good reason.

And what better reason did they have than finding Kiba's lost wand? But it was too bad Harry got dragged into it.

"Naruto, you said that you and Sasuke explored here yesterday?" said Harry after awhile, addressing one of the replications.

"Well, yeah, but we didn't see much. Just Sac-Man, some killer tree sprites, some killer trees, a few unicorns, a lake…"

Naruto saw Harry twitch, muttering '_just?_' under his breath.

"What else is in this forest, Harry-san?" asked Sakura, she still insisted on using honorifics, though chances are, no one in this dimension knew what they meant.

"Uh…" stammered Harry, it seemed the question caught him off guard, "Well, I'm not too sure what Sac-Man is, but yeah, unicorns, tree sprites, enchanted lakes, centaurs, dementors, werewolves, vampires, ghosts, demons, some living dead, some dark wizards… and oh! Giant spiders."

Sakura gave a shiver, Naruto knew she hated spiders. Hell, who didn't?

"And once, even Voldemort was hiding here," he continued.

"Oh yeah! About him Harry-san, can you tell-"

But before Sakura could finish her question, a flash of green catapulted into view, kicked off a tree and landed with so much force it blew a crater into the forest floor, creating up a mushroom cloud of dirt, and disrupting the general wildlife. Naruto (who was so surprised that he dispersed all this bunshins), Sakura, Sasuke, and Harry shielded their eyes, then finally rested them on Lee, who stood in the center of the destruction, covered in dirt but smiling victoriously.

"YOSH!" he cried just as the debris had settled, "Neji, I have won!"

Despite his victory cry, the Hyuuga was nowhere to be seen.

"What the hell, Lee?" Naruto cried, "Neji isn't even here!"

"Oh? I guess he didn't hear me when I declared our race!"

Naruto was sure that the Hyuuga heard the loud, round eyed boy, and opted to ignore him instead, but he wasn't sure why Lee had picked such a place for the finish line. He was most likely just running blindingly through the forest at speeds that put the sound barrier to shame, no real destination in sight.

"Well then, I lost my team. May I ask your permission on accompanying yours?" he said with a polite bow, mostly in Sakura's direction and blushing.

"Sure, Lee-san," smiled Sakura, and Harry cringed. Lee returned the smile and fell in step with the pink haired kunoichi and Naruto, Sasuke walking a little ahead with the lone wizard.

"You know, lunch is about over, we should head bac-" Harry was cut off before he could finish, and visibly shivered.

"What is the matter, Harry-san?"

Naruto, confused as ever, tensed when he felt it. Like a chunk of ice had dropped down the back of his shirt and was slowing riding down his spine, and when he had voiced his surprise, his breath crystallized in the chilled air. He shivered, and watched Sasuke and Sakura and Lee do the same.

"Get behind me, everyone!" yelled Harry fiercely, taking out his wand and positioning himself in what could possibly be the wizard equivalent of a fighting stance.

"What is the matter Harry-san?" repeated Lee more urgently, getting into a real fighting stance and acting as his back up. Sakura stood beside him, as Naruto and Sasuke took position beside the armed boy.

"Go back!" he screamed as the temperature dropped dangerously. "Why are you just standing there, I said go!"

"No!" Naruto protested, just as loud. "This is what we're here for! _You_ go back!"

Harry didn't respond, and looked ahead, focusing his attention on the shadows that were slowly advancing, all foliage either freezing or dying in their wake. Naruto had to suppress another shudder.

Beside him, Sasuke made a noise, Naruto, concerned, turned toward him. The Uchiha was gripping his head in anguish as more shadows swooped around, circling them ominously.

"Naruto…" he called breathlessly, making the other boy's stomach clench painfully, "Naruto… take Sakura and go…"

The blonde shinobi watched in horror as his raven haired companion fell to his knees, clutching his head more fiercely as he muttered incoherently. Naruto thought he heard "Itachi… no… don't!" in his whispers, but he wasn't sure.

Naruto turned, getting ready to sling Sasuke (whether willing or unwillingly, it was going to happen), over his shoulder and escape back to the school, dragging the rest with him, but stopped. The chunk of ice that froze his spine felt as if it had extended sharply to the very core of his mind. He fell to his knees as all thoughts of hope and escape fled his conscious and were replaced with feelings of loss and despair.

For some reason, all he could remember were the cold, lonely nights in his apartment, the feeling of invisibility as he walked the streets of Konoha, the collective looks of hatred and disgust and fear as a child… He remembered lying in bed every night wondering why. Why him? '_Why me? Why me? Why me?_'

"Why me? Why? What did I _do_?"

"Naruto! Naruto, snap out of it! Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun, help Naruto!" he barely heard Sakura cry helplessly.

Naruto wanted to help, wanted to escape, but he felt as if he were sinking in something dark and heavy, being overwhelmed by his hopelessness and drowning in the memories of his past. He scrabbled for any sense of warmth as all feelings of happiness were torn away.

The last things that Naruto remembered before hitting the ground, and allowing himself to be engulfed by the horrible, cold blackness, was the sensation of landing on soft, familiar sand, a scream of "_Expecto Patromun_", a fading blue light…

And a warm, shaking hand gripping his shoulder desperately.

x

_Ollivander Omake_

_Enter: Sand Siblings_

x

It had been decided. Ninja were bastards. Cold, unfeeling, terrifying, bastards that weren't fit to hold wands, let alone own wands, and even less _step foot in his shop._

But, unfortunately, they had came, they had destroyed, and they had left.

The last three must have been the worst by far, striding in with the swagger of born assassins and carrying various huge, dangerous weapons that had consisted of fans and gourds and… mummies.

And as soon as they came, the three ninja had left, two with a smirk, one with an indifferent scowl. They had took three perfectly good wands and left behind a barren desert (quite literarily a _desert_) of pure despair and the legacy of being the worst costumers ever in the history of all wand shops. And this particular wand shop had been around a whole lotta friggin years.

Ollivander wondered if his insurance policy covered sand storms.

x

You'**RE** all **V**ery **I**mportant to th**E** **W**riting an**D** continu**A**tion of this fic, and just knowing that you read it **M**akes **M**e **I**mmensely ecs**T**atic!

Another subliminal message? _What_ subliminal message? And shounen-ai?

…what are you talking about?

And sorry, no Voldy. I couldn't work his snakey ass into the chapter. Next one, I swear!


	11. Burning a Little Colder

AN: Hello all my wonderful fantastically fantastic reviewers! Thank you SO SO SO MUCH for all the reviews and favs and alerts and C2 adds!

♥

But unfortunately I have some terrible news...

**I'm afraid I wont be able to update for quite awhile. **

Oh no, its not because I lost all inspiration for this fic or that I want to discontinue it. I love this fic, and I love writing it, and I promise I wont ever discontinue it. But my laptop has been taken away and all computer access, as well as the phone, TV, and yes, even the toaster. I'm sorry, but it looks as if I wont be updating, watching, or toasting anything in the near future.

I will give proper special thanks and review replies as soon as I get my privileges back. **As well as a **_**very**_** special chapter dedication to **_**Sakura Perfume**_** (formally know as **_**Yuume Li**_**) in celebration of her birthday on the 22nd of November!**

The best I can do is give you the first part of the eleventh chapter

x

Harry woke up and found himself blinking blearily at the ceiling.

Where the hell was he, and what was he doing there? Where was Naruto and the other ninja? What happened to the dementors? Did Dumbledore know that Harry and his body guards took a secret (mostly reluctant on his part) tour of the forest? Was he going to get expelled? Did anyone die? Where were his glasses? Why did he only have ONE pillow?

Harry knew the look and smell of the infirmary now, so that question had been answered. And he was there because he couldn't fend the dementors off of himself and the useless ninja at the same time. One look from the dark creatures had them collapsed and shivering in a heap. Sasuke went down first, then Naruto, then Lee, Sakura mostly stayed conscious with Harry, trying her best to ward off the evil beings with daggers, and mostly being successful.

Just as Naruto and Sasuke went out like lights, hitting the ground and landing softly in a sand pile that hadn't been there before, Harry had dispersed an impressive amount of dementors that had gathered around them with a strong _Patronus._ But he was too late to do anything about Lee, at least four tall, skeleton thin figures circled around him, slowly sipping his soul like some kind of delicious cocktail.

The rest though, was a blur. Harry remembered the collective sound of what could have been grain hitting the ground, and before he could make sense of it, the dementors around Lee disappeared with a haze of sand. Two of them were, as the best way to describe it, hit with an octopus tentacle made of earth. Another was cocooned, crushed savagely and dying with an unearthly screech. The last was met with a shower of daggers, curtsey of Sakura, and retreated into the darkness of the forest.

A small, red headed figure took that moment to materialize before the perplexed wizard and the one conscious, pink haired ninja. Harry would have gotten a good look at him if the black, hooded heads of a several dementors hadn't suddenly charged at him in a chorus of shriek shrills.

That was when he had fainted. No. Passed out. Fainted didn't sound nearly heroic enough.

Harry rubbed his eyes and yawned, reaching for his glasses and adjusting his (ONE) pillow. He dazedly searched for a flash of gold, and grabbed it when he set his now focused eyes on the familiar, delicious chocolate. He had already taken a few chunks out of it when the distinct sound of a door opening and closing, and the bickering of Hermione and Ron invaded his ears.

"'Warble' is not spelled with three b's, Ron!"

"Fred and George said it was!"

Harry sighed.

"Oi! Shut the hell up! People are trying to recover in here!" yelled a voice from the sick bed on his left. Harry tensed, and reached over to pull the thin, white tapestry to the side, getting a full view of prone, bed ridden Naruto eating chocolate.

"Hey, Harry!" he greeted cheerfully.

"Naruto, what are you-"

"Doing in bed? I don't know I was gonna jump out the window when I woke up but I found all this great chocolate and I didn't wanna get up any more 'cause I wanna eat the chocolate I like chocolate do you like chocolate Harry? I wander if Sasuke likes chocolate DO YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE SASUKE?" rambled the blonde hyperly. Harry, who was convinced that at least half of those words weren't even in English, had heard a 'Shut up, dobe' grumbled from a sleepy Sasuke a moment later. The ornery ninja's bed was just one over from his chocolate devouring companion.

"Ah, Harry!" greeted Ron when he finally made it through all the beds to the one Harry was lying in, "Tell Hermione how to spell 'warble'!"

"Never mind that, Harry, what on earth happened?" interjected the bushy haired witch. "First you go off outside during lunch, and the next thing we know, some strange boy drags you back to the Great Hall in the most peculiar way."

"What do you mean, 'drag'?"

"Well, actually, you were _floating…_ on a cloud of _sand_. He didn't speak any English, but he had a wand and asked for Professor Dumbledore."

"Where is he now?"

"Talking with the headmaster. Do you know who he is Harry? He really was a strange boy, wore make-up, had a tattoo, carried a gourd on his back…"

"Oh yeah, that's Gaara!" piped up Naruto through a mouthful of chocolate. "And its not make-up… he's just like that. But don't get the wrong idea, he's really a good guy!" Sasuke snorted somewhere in the background at the last statement.

"I heard that, Sasuke!"

"He tried to kill you, idiot. Twice."

"So? He's different now! You can't judge someone just 'cause they tried to kill you… twice."

Harry twitched. Honestly, what people actually had this conversation, and were clinically sane at the same time? None too many.

"So you know this boy, Naruto?"

"Duh, I said he's Gaara! He's a Suna Nin, our allies. He was psychotic before but now he's fine. I'm sure he won't try to kill anyone anymore, and really, he's a great guy! You'll love him!"

For some reason, the three wizards doubted that.

x

Jade green eyes surveyed the (eccentric) room, scanning over the strange, tinkering silver instruments sitting on some shelves, rested briefly on the majestic red bird perched in a corner, and took in whatever oddities it had to offer. Which was a lot, seeing as how the room was just generally 'odd.' Even by a shinobi's standards.

Gaara had been ushered politely into the room just minutes before by a (eccentric) man with an insanely tall and pointy hat, the kind of hat that could have never served for any practicality besides looking ridiculous. Even by shinobi standards.

The small Sand Nin, who was sitting in a chair so soft and comfortable that it actually bordered on being _uncomfortable_, batted not an eye lash as he heard rushed foot steps hurry towards him. He, instead, lightly loosened the cork keeping the sand in his gourd at bay.

After the little incident involving a certain blonde Leaf Nin, he couldn't afford to be too careful.

x

Harry wasn't sure of how long he had been in the hospital, but he was sure it was too late to attend the last two classes of the day. The sun had already set, casting eerie shadows all about the castle, a sure sign that education of any sort would not be tolerated by all students. Except Hermione.

The Boy Who Lived sauntered out the infirmary doors, with one bouncing and one ill tempered ninja in tow, sporting a slight migraine. Ugh, head aches and fatigue, the physical after effects of a dementor attack.

Lee, the shinobi who wore green spandex under his robes and insisted on revealing the gaudy garb whenever he thought necessary, (which was never in Harry's opinion), was left behind in a lonely infirmary accompanied only by a still (pathetically) unconscious Draco Malfoy. The usually sunny, enthusiastic boy lay in bed pale and quiet. Harry could honestly admit that he preferred him loud and exclaiming youth.

"Poor Lee," Naruto sympathized through a mouthful of chocolate as the three navigated through the halls, "And he just got out of the hospital, too."

The last line had sparked an interest in Harry, causing the bespeckled boy to ask the inevitable question of "what happened?"

"He survived surgery a little while ago and just got back to light training. He was so happy…"

"What put him in the hospital?"

"More like 'who?'," quipped the previously (and still) brooding Sasuke.

"Gaara," Naruto confessed. It seemed the chocolate had slightly disoriented the blonde, for he answered in a way that he would have sugar-coated with defense had he been sober. The spark of curiosity, kindled and growing, nagged for more than just a one word answer.

"So, what happened?" Harry urged.

"It was a fight, Harry, duh," scoffed Naruto, "Gaara went straight up _psycho_ and tried to squeeze the youth outta Lee. Twice." The blonde demonstrated by crushing the wrapper of his devoured chocolate bar in a tanned fist. Harry thought Lee was annoying, obnoxious at worst, but not to an extent that deserved death.

"Bloody hell, what'd Lee _do_?" gaped Harry.

"Well, nothing. You see, we hold an exam every six months in our village tha-"

The blonde was cut off from his explanation when a pale hand materialized out of nowhere, and cuffed him in the head with an audible 'smack.' A few paintings, witnessing the assault, reprimanded the dark haired ninja with gasps of 'oh, I _never_!'s.

"What was that for, _teme_!"

"Don't go spouting unnecessary things, _dobe_," chastised the other boy, hand still raised from the attack.

As Naruto harrumphed and crossed his arms in miffed silence, Harry felt himself fall into a curiosity that now burned so intensity it threatened to engulf him. But a look from Sasuke killed all questions lingering at the back of his throat.

There was no talking now, just a sluggish silence filling the hall ways they trudged through, until Sasuke took a different turn, muttering something about going to his own house. Naruto waved (yelled) a cheery good bye at the other boy's retreating back before following Harry up some enchanted stairs.

After mumbling the password to the portrait entrance, the wizard boy did nothing more than crawl into bed and throw a muffled 'good night' to a barely conscious Ron, but though he was tired as all hell, he couldn't bring himself to sleep. He needed information.

Who was that red headed boy, really? Why did Sasuke not want Naruto to talk about it? Harry needed to know.

A quick look at the enchanted clock on his night stand told him it was ten-thirty.

Harry promised himself that at eleven-o-clock, he would put his invisibility cloak to use.

x


	12. Half Invisible

Wow, my wonderful readers and reviewers. Its been months, and so much has happened that I don't have any idea where to begin… except thank you so much for your reviews, encouragement, understanding, and patience.

In my opinion, not the best chapter, but hey… it was rushed.

And anyway, its great to be back!

DISLAIMER: Blah blah Naruto blah not mine blah blah HOT MAN-SEX blah. You know the routine.

Enjoy!

x

"Ouch! God dammit!"

Naruto woke up with a snort at the curse, and rubbed his eyes. He had a pounding head ache, and who ever had just woke him up would get the 'telling off' of his life. It had took the boy forever to finally clear his head enough to fall asleep, ever since the 'dementor' attack, he was being constantly plagued by the memories of his childhood. Any other day, he would easily push the unwanted thoughts to the back of his head by thinking of something happier, more light hearted, like ramen or his team, but this night, he just couldn't bring himself to.

The blonde genin dismissed the whole thing with a snort and instead peered through the slit of his tapestries to see a furious Harry hopping up and down on one foot, seemingly in pain. He must have stubbed something in the pitch blackness. Naruto never really had any trouble seeing in the dark, he was a little better at it than the average genin, and wondered if it was because of the Kyuubi, just as it was the cause of so many other abilities.

Naruto watched as Harry regained his composure, and began to dig in his trunk. Maybe he's looking for more chocolate, Naruto thought.

But what Harry pulled out was not chocolate, but a strange sheet. It shimmered, reflecting non existing light in the thick darkness of the dorm room. Naruto was going to alert the other boy of his presence by asking him what it was, but stopped.

First Harry's head had disappeared, then his torso, his legs, and his finally his feet. Harry was gone.

No, not gone, but invisible.

The tired blonde could still hear the breathing and heavy (compared to that of a ninja's) footsteps. Just then, the boisterous boy was overcome with an attack of mischievousness and curiosity.

Naruto pulled off his (extremely stylish) sleeping cap and grabbed the kunai pouch he kept under his pillow (like a good ninja) when he heard Harry loudly exiting the dorm, debating whether or not waking Kiba would be a good idea. He decided it wasn't, and slipped out of bed as silently as his inexperience with stealth would allow.

And they weaved though the hall ways and corridors, past the sleeping portraits and down the enchanted steps, flitting through the night, quiet as stumbling shadows.

Naruto briefly wondered where they were going, until Harry finally came to a stop in front two massive stone gargoyles. To Naruto's surprise, the gargoyles eyed the wizard boy suspiciously before demanding a pass word.

"Uh… Lemon Drops?" the wizard guessed, scratching his head in thought. "Toe-Nail Tasties? Acid Pops? Pimple Puffs? Carmel Chicken? God dammit… _Snickers_?"

Naruto had no idea of what Harry was doing, but he decided to announce his presence by sneaking up to the other boy and loudly yelling "Dango!" in his left ear anyway, causing him to jump, and Naruto to grin in amusement.

The stone gargoyles, at Naruto's outburst, jumped to the side, revealing a door.

"Naruto! What in _bloody hell_ do you think you're doing here?"

"No, Harry. What in _bloody hell_ do you think _you're_ doing here?"

"And what in_ bloody hell _are the_ both _of you doing here?"

x

Harry had saw him before, but it was in a haze of bad memories and desperation.

But now that Harry saw him in person and with a clear head, he couldn't help but note how unbelievably, truly… _strange_ his mysterious, red headed savior was. The heavy eyeliner, tattoo marring his forehead, giant gourd and thickly dark aura didn't go unnoticed.

"_And what in bloody hell are the both of you doing here?" _is what he said, his arms crossed, and a scowl contorting his features.

"Gaara!" piped Naruto cheerfully. "What are you doing roaming the halls so late?"

For once, Harry and the blonde's thoughts were in sync. What was the red headed ninja doing in the hallways at this hour?

"Patrolling," the other drawled. "Do I even want to know what _you're_ doing, Naruto?"

"Not really, 'cause I don't know either!"

Gaara, the mysterious ninja, after turning an unconcerned gaze toward Harry, shifted the massive gourd on his back slightly, and crossed his arms more securely, giving the wizard a measuring look. When Harry noticed that the other boy's scrutinizing gaze neither wavered nor moved from his person, he was reminded of his extended invisibility, and quickly moved to expose his still unrevealed bottom half.

"Harry, this is Gaara…_ of the Desert,_" Naruto said, adding the last few words as an afterthought, "He's from a neighboring Hidden Village allied with ours, remember? You've met, right?"

"Uh…" stammered Harry, much too busy trying to conceal his invisibility cloak rather than trying to mutter something remotely intelligent. "Not exactly."

Gaara, who seemed uninterested with the conversation, turned his back to take his leave. Harry and Naruto watched as he slowly turned a corner, melding into the shadows of the dark hallways, disappearing with not a good bye, but an icy command to "Take him back, Naruto."

Harry, who's curiosity had been successfully (and reluctantly) extinguished, turned away, walking toward his dorm, leaving a confused Naruto blinking after the two retreating figures.

He couldn't believe that he went through the trouble of digging out his invisibility cloak in the middle of the night, risking expulsion, just to meet that red headed, pompous sod Gaara. Harry swore that all ninjas were the same, unbearable.

As Harry all but stormed through the hallways, unconcealed and frustrated, he noticed that Naruto was following him when the blonde boy spoke up nervously.

"Ano… Harry?" he started uncomfortably.

"What?" the other boy snapped.

"I wanted to know when it happened, but didn't know how to ask…"

"What is it?"

"What… what were those things in the forest? You know… earlier?"

Harry stopped abruptly, suddenly feeling awkward and slightly guilty. He had forgotten that the ninja had knew close to nothing about the wizarding world, and doubted anyone had took the time to explain what had happened in the forbidden forest that afternoon.

"Uh…" stammered the wizard, not knowing where to begin, "Remember when I said there were dark creatures in the forbidden forest?"

The other boy nodded his head.

"Well, these dark creatures were called dementors… and they feed on good memories."

Naruto nodded again, absorbing the little piece of important information somberly.

Harry gave him a quick look before continuing the walk to the dorm in silence.

x

Sasuke peered over his half eaten buttered scone to steal a glance at the characteristically quiet Neji. The Hyuuga branch heir was enjoying pickled vegetables, rice and miso soup with a pair of polished, bamboo chopsticks. Just yesterday, the older boy was scowling disdainfully at western breakfast food.

The raven haired avenger concluded silently that Neji was just another added addition to the growing list of ninja that discovered the kitchens… and of just how terrified house elves were of fire based ninjutsu.

The Uchiha then made a silent declaration to make a little visit to the kitchens soon. Maybe to demand tomato scones. Maybe to practice his fire breathing techniques.

Whichever one.

x

Harry, feeling an ominous cloud looming somewhere around the Slytherin table, directed all immediate attention toward Sasuke and Neji. Neji was quite contently enjoying his breakfast as Sasuke looked as if he were deviating plans of pure, destructive evilness whilst nibbling a scone.

Harry decided to ignore them, choosing instead to focus on Neville, who was sitting beside him, helping himself to some bacon.

"Neville," Harry inquired, "are you alright? You look a little, uh… dusty."

The portly boy gave an embarrassed blush before reluctantly admitting that while practicing for the upcoming Quidditch tryouts, he had fell off his broom into the sand pits. He also brought Harry's attention to the fact that the sand pits, whose purpose was to create a safe, comfortable cushion for players unfortunate enough to fall, really weren't all that comfortable. All they did was make an undignified noise as you hit the ground with a mouth full of sand.

But their conversation ended, and their attention was then directed toward the teacher's tables. Dumbledore had arisen to give a morning announcement, spreading his arms wide as if he were trying to embrace the enchanted ceiling.

"Now that we are all situated, eating, and very much awake, I would like to introduce _our new students!_"

Dumbledore had chimed _new students_ like church bells. Harry only heard the rumble of Hell's thunder and the sinister cackling of Satan's minions. His jaw dropped a bit, a meat-crumb of sausage escaping from the confines of his teeth.

He couldn't believe it. Could it be… MORE ninjas? How much possible destruction did he think the school could take?

"They are to be sorted," declared the headmaster, "into their respective houses after dinner this evening. Please welcome Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara… _of the desert_." The last bit was added on as an afterthought, much in the same fashion Naruto had last night. Dark, eerie images of Gaara, the short red headed boy with the gourd strapped to his back, plagued Harry's memories from last night.

The giant oak doors of the great hall began to creak open moments later, and the dull, gossip-ridden roar of the students quieted to a silence. Naruto looked up from his coco crisps expectantly, as all the other shinobi in the room seemed to stiffen in apprehension.

Three silhouetted figures, each with a monstrous object attached to their backs, appeared in the door way, and Neville gave a yelp. Harry turned to see the varying layers of sand that was coating the other boy's person began to slither off of his clothes and hair in little lines of beige grains, trailing towards the great hall doors in thin, controlled rivers. Harry was speechless. But the phenomenon was over almost as quickly as it had occurred with no witnesses except Harry and Neville to account for.

A blonde girl, walking with an air of veteran sergeant, led the little line of new shinobi, and though they wore the school robes, that was where their uniformity ended. The girl, another boy who walked behind her with an indifferent swagger, and the illustrious Gaara each featured some oddity that screamed unconformity.

They had reached the end of their trek. Each stood in front of Dumbledore at the teacher's tables. The hall broke out into whispers once again, and the only girl of the trio raised her arm, demanding silence. She slipped a long, flat, polished black object from her back, and rested it on her hip. Her sandy blonde hair was pulled back into four pony tails as her lips were pulled back in a smirk.

And then there was the other boy. For some reason, his robes sported a hood that had been pulled over his head and had shadowed his face upon entry. But Harry could see it now. He donned striking, dark purple face markings brushed over his rebellious features, causing him to stand out a little more than the other two. His hood was also sewn strangely, for it was crafted in a way that two corners pinched in an odd angle, causing him to look like a face-painted cat.

He also wore a large object on his back. From where Harry was sitting, it had appeared to be a person wrapped to the scalp in bandages, unruly hair peaking through the top, oddly reminiscent of a mummy. It looked heavy, and it was strapped to his back much in the same way Gaara and the other girl carried their large objects. If Harry had to pick, he would say that out of the three, this one was the most outlandish.

And of course, there was Gaara. For a boy that seemed very inexpressive, at the moment he wore all the emotions that Harry had ever seen him display articulated at once: boredom, contempt, and annoyance. His arms were crossed impassively as Dumbledore finished the introduction, something about welcoming new students and being open to new cultures, and in the end, the hall clapped, mostly out of politeness, and resumed their breakfast.

"Gaara!" cried an over excited voice sitting a little ways away from him. Harry peered over to see Naruto frantically motioning to the red headed ninja to sit at the table beside him. With some hesitation, he made his way over.

"Harry!" cried another, welcomely familiar voice. It was Ron and Hermione, rushing towards him, both looking like they had half ran, half sprinted to the great hall for some breakfast.

"Sorry 'bout that, Harry!" said Ron breathlessly as he took a seat between his best friend and the silently perplexed Neville.

"Hey… what's up with Neville?"

Instead of explaining the sand, Harry shook his head in feigned puzzlement. He wanted to begin his day as normally as possible.

Or at least, as normal as it gets.

x

Sorry for the wait and short chapter.


	13. Operation: Assimilation!

AN: Okay, so yeah. Its been months since my last update. Why don't we all forget that? What we should focus on, however, is my love for you readers, and of course, my glorious return!

:D

Another thing to bring to our attention, **is that today is IMW's first birthday**! Yaaay! Ive decided to celebrate with a new (kinda short) chapter, and some special thanks!

So thank you **Sakura Perfume**(For loving me!), **Nimbirosa**(plot? I'm trying, but gawd its hard), **CaveDwellers**(for a fantastic review!), **kiseki-girl**(for the poem! I wrote one too: Thanks for the haiku/ It was freaking awesome, here's/ An update for you!), **Think-chan**(for the great reviews! I'm glad you noticed the improvement. My earlier chapters embarrass meee…) **Iris.D**(for the super long review with all the wonderful corrections and comments. I got most of the Japanese from a site, I have no idea if its right or not…), **gina-neko-san**(for reviewing and liking my ANs!) **Chibi-mint**(honestly, that's the longest review I've ever gotten), and **Viridian**(for all the wonderfully insightful reviews!).

**Also**, yesterday, the Harry Potter movie came out! So after I see it, I'm sure I'll be inspired to update soon. So expect a speedy new chapter.

**BTW**, I'm thinking about changing my screen name to _Paper Fans_. Yes or no?

Enjoy!

x

Kabuto had decided that the man before him was dangerous, though he seemed strange and weak. Said man was hiding in Turkey because, supposedly, he was a infamous villain, and for what reason, Kabuto had no idea. It was a business trip, the strange being said. He was recruiting people for a dark army.

The man's name was Voldemort, and he was surprisingly compliant, although Orochimaru and his entourage had broken into their stronghold quite easily. But then again, it was probably the reason for his compliance. Despite that, Kabuto sensed a great power inside of him, and not the power of a Jinchuriki, but the kind of power that Orochimaru-sama or Itachi possessed. It was ominous and dangerous and not to be taken lightly.

The tavern was dark and, as Voldemort-sama had said, could only be seen by people possessing extraordinary powers. Inside, it was difficult to see as they followed their hosts downwards, deeper into the complex innards of the enchanted building. Doing so, Kabuto took note of the foreigners through the darkness.

The alternate universe that they had traveled to wasn't common knowledge by their people, with very few accounts of inter-demsional relationships. There was a rumor that the Third and Fourth Hokage of the Leaf had taken occasional excursions to this particular dimension, but evidence was either non existent or very hard to find.

Kabuto also took notice the of the sound of shifting stone above them and below them. It may seem like the stairway descent into the belly of the ominous tavern was simple, but actually, the floors above them and the floors below them were changing, creating a sort of intricate jigsaw puzzle of stone and concrete that would make it almost impossible to navigate.

The bespeckled Sound Nin smirked, impressed, anticipating a strong alliance and consequently, a new world to conquer.

x

Naruto was glad that Sasuke was acting more like himself, which was less broody and glarey. Partly because it was great to have a friend back, but mostly because he needed someone there with him on the quest to at least partially assimilate Gaara into society. They couldn't have a unstable, psycho-mass murdering ninja killing their clients. Or in the very least, not before they got _paid_.

But really, all the ninja needed some blending practice. No random acts of ninjutsu, genjutsu, and a little bit of lightening up on the taijutsu.

Except that Naruto wasn't exactly thinking this when he Kage Bunshined five aerial round-house kicks to the side of Sasuke's head during lunch-time the day after the dementor attack in the forest. But that last 'dobe' wasn't going to just slide unpunished… goddammit.

So that was when Kakashi and Shikamaru, the highest ranking ninja in the mission, gathered the genin and Sand Siblings (who didn't have a definite ranking, and frankly, no one was going to tell them what to do for fear of suffering an untimely death, or at least a really unpleasant beating), together in the shinobis' favorite clearing in the Forbidden Forest for Operation: Assimilation.

"Alright everyone!" Kakashi piped through his mask, "Shikamaru and I have a mission for all you delinquents!"

"How can we take you seriously when you were more than a half an hour late!" screamed Kiba from somewhere in the back.

"Is that right? But I have a good reason, you see, there was an old lady who lived in a shoe…"

"I bet he was reading _porn_…" the Inuzuka boy whispered to his immediate company, totally disregarding the farfetched excuse.

"…and in the end, I saved the fifty-two children from Athlete's Foot. Any questions?"

"LIAR!"

"Anyway, Shikamaru and I have both noticed the amount of attention, destroyed school property, and potential casualties collectively gathered in our first week at Hogwarts, and we would like you all to know that the list is in fact, quite extensive. Shikamaru?"

"Right. That's a tower, five tables, nine chairs, seven doors, six paintings, six windows, and thirty seven comments and complaints... each." the chuunin said behind a clipboard, checking off the items he read aloud.

"That's not so much!"

"That was just yesterday. And If we keep going at this rate, God knows how much we'll get by the end of the year."

"But luckily for you guys, if the clients weren't able to fix things magically, and most importantly _costlessly_, then this all would have came out of your pay checks, whether you contributed to the destruction or not," finished Kakashi.

"Okay," piped Naruto, hand raised somewhere in the front of the group, "so what are we going to do about it?"

"Didn't I say that I've developed a new mission for you guys? Its more like a mission within a mission, really, but its just as important." He then paused for dramatic effect.

"I call it… Operation: Assimilation!" A few groans were heard around the group. It sounded a little, well… corny.

"Really, its great that you all have been trying so hard and taking this massive baby sitting job so seriously, but honestly, lets make it less troublesome. No showing off. No overzealous chakra usage. More protecting the clients, less _attacking_ them." Shikamaru said, sending Sasuke a pointed, albeit lazy, look for that last statement.

"Alright, alright." Naruto continued. "We'll be good! We get it now!"

"No, Naruto, I don't think you do," replied Kakashi. "I can't stress enough the importance of keeping our cover. Let me remind you that the only people in this dimension who know our true identities are Harry, Hermione, Ronald and most of the staff. Let's try to keep it that way. During the first confrontation with the enemy we want to use the element of surprise to our advantage."

Naruto heard a "dobe" muttered somewhere to his left, and suddenly felt the urge to through a kunai in that general direction. Hopefully it hit Sasuke and not Neji.

"Okay, everyone got it now?" Kakashi was answered with a round of nods. "Alright. We'll start with trying to give off an air of inconspicuousness. No flashy taijustu and ninjutsu."

"Also," added Shikamaru, "the only time someone is to be hurt on this campus is for self defense… only to protect the client, only to protect yourself. Please, remember that I don't care who started it, but keep in mind that Hokage-sama _does _care who you kill."

"… In fact, let's keep killing at it's minimum."

"Kakashi-sensei," started Tenten, raising her hand, "how hard are we to try during classes?"

"Learning this dimension's jutsu is important, but not first priority. You are _not_ students. You are ninja _acting_ as students to ensure the safety of the students who really _are_ students. And no Naruto, I'm not going to explain. Put your hand down and ask Sasuke." The last comment was met with grumbling and a slightly miffed blond.

"Alright. That concludes this mission's first meeting. Even though it might be troublesome, any more questions?"

At first, it had seemed as if the large group of nin were satisfied with the information they had received in the relatively short mission meeting. But Tenten raised an uncertain hand for the second time.

"Is… is Lee alright?"

The dull roar of chatter came to an abrupt halt as Kakashi's hand turning the page of his orange book froze. Naruto observed the somber crowd and felt the need to say something.

"Tenten, Lee's okay!" he reassured, "We saw him in the infirmary, Harry said all he needed was a little rest and some magic chocolate. He's fine… really!" But Tenten looked far from convinced, in fact, she looked more worried, even after Sakura's attempt at comforting until she promised to take the concerned kunoichi to see her fallen teammate as soon as possible.

With that out of the way, the shinobi finally dispersed, with Sakura guiding Tenten and Neji to the infirmary.

It wasn't until an hour later, while training with Sasuke, did Naruto have the strangest feeling that he forgot something important.

x

Harry rubbed his aching hand cautiously, trying in vain to sooth the throbbing flesh.

After classes that day in Umbridge's classroom, Harry was made to write lines for detention. But the quill he used was a 'special' one. Whatever he wrote on parchment would cut into the back of his hand, as if an invisible razor were simultaneously tracing the words onto his flesh, then heal immediately afterwards. But this particular quill didn't use ink, instead, Harry was forced to write the words "I must not tell lies" hundreds of times with his own blood.

He was more than a little miffed with the fact that Naruto hadn't shone up for detention that morning. But in a way, he was happy that the other boy didn't have to suffer through such an unfair punishment. He also pitied the make-up detention that he would have to endure after classes tomorrow, or maybe even in class. Either way, he was sure nothing good was to come out of Naruto's absence.

Speaking of absence, Harry was also more than a little pissed with the fact that he was going to miss Quidditch tryouts tomorrow as well. Ron had confessed that he was going to tryout for Keeper, and Harry wanted to be there for support. He sighed. Oh well, he thought as the entered the common room, no use despairing over something that you cant do anything about.

Luckily for Harry, just as he sat in a cushy red chair in front of the fire, Naruto came barreling down the dorm stairs, saving the wizard boy the task of looking for the ninja.

"Harry!" greeted Naruto loudly, "I was looking for you!"

"Oh good, Naruto," started Harry, "We need to talk."

"Yeah, I know! I forgot about my detention with Gama-san!"

"About that, Naru—wha? Who is _Gama-san_?" inquired Harry quizzically.

"You know, Umbrige. She looks like my wallet, Gama-chan," confessed the blonde boy, pulling out his green frog-shaped wallet for effect. Harry couldn't help but laugh, the googly eyed toad did strikingly resemble their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"But hey, listen Naruto," said Harry, his mood lightening slightly. He couldn't help but catch the other boys infectious attitude, even though he was obnoxious, "What are you going to do about skipping out on detention?"

"What can I do?" Naruto replied, "I have to make it up, of course. I can't… _go back in time_ or anything, you know?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh again. He learned that lesson in his third year. Time travel was definitely possible, and completely confusing.

"Anyway, Harry, what'd you have to do? Sit-ups? Run laps?" he asked excitedly. It seemed as if he _wanted_ punishment. Harry didn't blame him, he was probably bored.

"I… uh… had to write lines." Harry confessed, rubbing the back of his neck. Naruto's mouth dropped open.

"That's _it_?"

"Well, no, not really…"

"…_Lines_? But we did that in the _Academy_!" Naruto ranted, seeming as if he hadn't heard other boy. After a second of consideration, Harry decided that he had to right to know.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But, you have to promise not to tell anyone else."

"Was it something she wasn't suppose to do?" asked Naruto, "I know! She _beat_ you, didn't she?!"

"No. I wasn't beaten." Harry deadpanned, "Now_, promise_ me you won't tell anyone, _especially_ Hermione."

As soon as Harry was sure Naruto understood the importance of the promise, Harry explained his detention, with the torturous quill, and writing in his own blood. He felt that it was only fair that he tell the other boy, he was going to have to endure it, too. But instead of horrified, Naruto looked a little confused.

"Wow," Naruto said, examining the swollen flesh on Harry's skin, lightly tracing the faint words with his eyes, "Don't tell Kakashi-sensei that. It'd be hell."

"He'd be mad?" inquired Harry.

"No, he'd freaking jump with joy," the blonde ninja said, shuttering, probably imagining possible punishments his sensei would create with the idea. "I don't wanna write '_I will not fight with Sasuke_' three thousand times in the back of my hand…"

"Alright, deal. But you know that tomorrow, you have to do it too."

"Yeah, I know."

"Why weren't you there today?"

"We all had to discuss the, you know, mission and stuff." Naruto answered, lowering his voice considerably. "Like a meeting, in the forest. If I remembered about detention, I wouldn't have went."

"Skipping out seems like a good idea right now…" said Harry, mostly to himself, "Tomorrow is Quidditch tryouts. I wanted to see Ron tryout for Keeper."

"Quidditch… that one game where you fly around on brooms?"

"Yeah, I'm suppose to tryout too, you know, for Seeker."

"…Ah." Naruto muttered, nodding his head in understanding. "But, Harry, why don't you just clone yourself? You can try out for Sheeper _and_ go to detention."

"Is that some kind of joke? Of course I can't--" Harry started irritably, but stopped when an idea hit him like a truck.

"I can't…. But you _can_! You can teach me to clone myself, Naruto!" Harry exclaimed happily. "You know how to do it, just show me the spell and I can try out for Seeker tomorrow!"

But instead of agreeing enthusiastically, Naruto laughed at the other boy as if he had told a funny joke.

"Its not that easy Harry," he said between chortles. "But watch this."

Harry stood back as Naruto pushed his hands together to create a 'hand seal,' and with a pop, two clones materialized beside him.

"Now," said Naruto, "I can use a henge to make one of them look like you."

Harry watched in awe as one of the clones made a hand seal, and in a puff of smoke, became an exact replica of himself.

"It looks so… real."

"You can do whatever you want with it. Just don't let anyone hit it too hard."

With that, Naruto dispelled the clones, and disappeared much in the same way they had appeared, with a pop and a puff of curly white smoke.

"Thanks Naruto!" Harry exclaimed, clapping the shorter boy on the shoulder, "I owe you one."

"You can pay me back later," said the other boy with a grin, "But lets get dinner. I'm starving!"

Harry laughed, feeling worlds better. And with the pain in his hand momentarily forgotten, he and Naruto walked to the Great Hall engrossed in friendly conversation for the first time.

x

Happy Birthday, _It's a Magical World! _


End file.
